othellovonryan | Seasons Inbox

Was it love at first sight originally?

Well, that is just the way of any close relationship.

Close, yes. From very soon after we met, I knew I'd never love anyone else.

Maybe I could now, if things with him go nowhere... that is something I wouldn't even have been able to type out before, it was unthinkable. But now if there's going to be any love between us it can grow mutually instead of me tapping my foot waiting for him. And if not, he wouldn't want me hung up on him for eternity so it's better for everyone.

I don't know what the hell you did in there, but it worked like a charm.

Oh.

I'm not entirely sure if that particular connection can form again.

Did you want that to be possible?

Is that so?

Well, not a big deal. I wouldn't have done this if I thought there was any hope of that. I don't regret it.

It depends on how much neural plasticity an immortal has, but to stop love, but not all emotion meant having to put a number of blockers on that particular pathway. It might be possible, but that path would have to go an extremely long way around.

It's fine, don't worry about it. I'm actually happy right now, so I'll take this even if I can't fall for him again. If the worst that happens is I get my best friend back without it being weird, then there's no problem.

True. Even when there's feelings on his end, its only really a problem when it becomes all consuming. In my experience, at least.

If he was going to get all consuming feelings for me, it would have happened long ago. Trust me, this is better. He'll be happier with me more able to relax around him.

It does seem like it would have happened before all the drama. Just keep me updated on any major changes. There is also the possibility the blocks heal themselves entirely, immortality is a difficult factor to account for.

It'll be what it is, like I said I don't regret anything. He and I both needed to breathe, and I need to figure out who I am without being his shadow.

True. It can be a very real eye opening experience when you have to live without those certain people, as important as they are.

If all this accomplishes is that I'm less of an albatross around his neck then it was worth it.

Time will tell, I guess. When do you want me to check in next, or should I let you know when I see you for training? [ Which is probably pretty regular. ]

Pretty sure he'd need therapy himself if you loving him was that bad.

Training should work as a check in, unless you notice a dramatic change from what you've been experiencing already. If there's ever a dramatic shift, let me know right away. My sleep schedule is always a mess, so don't worry about late wake up.

You've read the Journey writeup, even knowing it's incomplete what do you think about his need for therapy?

I'm taking that as permission to show up at all hours to keep you limber.

If he hasn't had any since then? He'd need a whole lot.

Do not touch, or you will get bit, spiny softshells do not mess around with their jaw strength. You'll also want to be sure you're registered for any security systems.

No therapy and 400+ years of complete isolation. Which I don't say to mock him, I want him better, but there's all the conditioning to contend with.

Kiddo, you can't think I'm that dumb. Or that easily caught up in security. But sure, register me, unless you want me to take it as a challenge.

The isolation probably wouldn't have helped. Generally no one does well wholly cut off.

Its a fair warning, since people have different understanding of things and some people think nothing of touching a sleeping person. And there is security and there is my security. Non-standard is the name of the game after all the nonsense my family has had to contend with.

So I try to make sure it isn't set off by those who are going to be around regularly.

I can literally make clones to do all that dirty work for me. But I appreciate the warning, and I wouldn't touch you out of nowhere. Less because it might hurt me and more because it's not very conducive to building trust, which is slightly important to teacher-student stuff, or so I hear.

I really should think of a work around for that. Not that its really a failure of the security if the clones are dispatched.

Its probably important. The only teacher I ever had was dad and that's my dad.

It is a good policy though. Touch can be a very tenuous thing for me, like sounds are for you.

We'll figure all this out, between us we're pretty smart.

I don't get overwhelmed by the sensation of touch which is I think what you're getting at, so it's a little different. For me it can just be intimate in a way I'm unused to. Not all the time, just sometimes.

It depends on context entirely. I'll have one night stands with strangers and it's no big deal, since that's the opposite of intimate. [ Which will either resonate or it won't. ]

It the overwhelming thing, correct. At least I imagine superhearing would come with times of sound becoming too much.

Touch based on trust is a different thing entirely. Not wanting someone I don't trust to touch me is very different when it comes to overstimulation touch.

The former being all about the context and relationship. There is definitely a difference when someone is touching you for the physical enjoyment and when feelings are involved and just who gives what touch. The scale is ever shifting.

But the latter, there are simply days where no one is allowed to touch me because its an absolute nightmare in my brain.

My hearing is the reason I know what you're talking about, yes.

In any case, I'm not going to encroach upon all those boundaries with you intentionally. Telling me to back off is always allowed. I'll try to be aware of it, but the ever-shifting nature means I might make assumptions that sometimes turn out to be wrong.

I am usually fairly good at informing others when I need space. The biggest issue so far is when people take short and blunt as being more angry and harsh instead of it simply being the easiest way to convey information. Its never personal.

I *am* a delicate and sensitive flower, as you know.

Oh, definitely. You're truly as fragile as a butterfly's wings.

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