othellovonryan | Seasons Inbox

Oh, definitely. You're truly as fragile as a butterfly's wings.

So glad you see how right I am.

I'll see you whenever I decide to pester you for training, then~

See you then.

[And really, he'll either be Hyper Aware if he's being watched or Not At All, there is no inbetween.]

What sort of side effects did you want me to watch out for, again?

The usual concerns for anything to do with the brain. Anything going off in the five senses. Excessive headaches, sensitivity to light, fuzziness, especially if you lose track of time or forget things more than normal.

For this specifically, if you start forgetting about Wukong, if your emotions never show any change around him. Blocking off love is one thing, but if you can't be like vaguely annoyed or amused, its all just on consistent line, that is a problem. Technically romantic love for anyone else should be different specific neuron pathways, but if there had been someone else, that would be a thing to look for, but without a subject, there's no way to test that.

I suppose if you determine you're aromantic in the future, that may be why.

People have been saying that I'm acting different. Maybe it's just that removing those particular feelings changed everything about me a little?

Its possible.

I spent ten days in the Temple alone without my family for the first time in my life. Well, for time I can remember, I don't remember the time where I was a literal turtle.

It was only ten days, but I had to make several major adjustments. Leo was quite upset with a number of them, surprised I had managed, but with the major shock, and also the death games, I had to do something to find some groundwork of stability. Some sense of normalcy. Since all my emotional consistency was gone.

Which also happened with Raph and Leo. I noticed changes in them, and I believe its because we were lacking Mikey, April, and dad, who are honestly a lot better than the three of us when it comes to mental and emotional coping and adjustment, or at least instilling it in us.

Case in point, I would have never made these observation before the Temple. But someone had to.

Wukong was a major cornerstone of your emotions according to you. Removing that cornerstone means other things have to shift and move to grant you stability again.

Makes sense.

I'm finding myself dodging a lot of questions, though. I tried telling them that people change sometimes, but they still seem a little... [ nervous? ]

Is there a reason you can't tell them the truth?

[Please]

[Please understand this boy's morals]

A lot of reasons. Mostly... I know nobody would like what I did, but that's not the problem. The trouble is that I don't think they'd understand it.

Wouldn't they want you to move on?

It isn't that. I'm sure they do. But... remember how you said everyone was upset that you did surgery on yourself, even though it worked?

Sometimes people want you to do a thing in the way they think is best. And they maybe don't realize that getting over him is the only thing I've ever failed to do, and I failed at it for centuries. I failed at it through my own death.

Ooooh.

Okay, now I get it.

Though I wouldn't necessarily say death is a deal breaker when it comes to someone important. No matter how messed up it was. Maybe it does for others, but depending on the context, it can be surprisingly easy to keep from affecting emotions.

Normally when someone kills you, it tends to put a damper on these feelings. In circumstances different than the Temple and whenever else, of course. [ Aka when you actually get a choice about whether to murder people and death is permanent. ]

But the point is they won't get it, so I don't want to explain it because it'll lead to arguments, and it's not like we can go backwards.

That wasn't a death game.

It was a fucked up situation, to be sure, but it had nothing to do with those who ran the place. I knew what I was walking into, I knew there was a good chance I wasn't walking out, but I had to walk in anyway. The lack of death's permanency didn't really affect the situation.

I had honestly not thought about the after, just that I had to go right then, regardless of risks.

Could you just say you got over him? You've been trying for a while?

I did say that. I got over him, I'd been working on it for a while, and that I thought they'd be happy for me. But the questions persist, from all over.

But my feelings about MK changed too... Wukong's apprentice. Maybe it's because they're so closely connected. It's nothing I can't compensate for, I just have to be more conscious of it.

Sudden emotional changes can be cause for concern.

Changed? Changed how?

It's like I just feel... hollow? Maybe that's the wrong word. But my feelings for him and Wukong both feel dull. Or hard to reach.

Just to clarify, feeling randomly hollow is not a normal occurrence for you, correct?

It definitely isn't.

We should do another scan. See what lines MK is lighting up.

Okay. When?

Your emotions should be settled, so a time where you've been able to destress a few hours.

I'm not stressed right now.

[ Sure will be in a few days, though. ]

Give me an hour. If you have any MK related items, bring those.

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