othellovonryan | Seasons Inbox

I don't have one.

All right. Well... I'll let you know if there's any more notable changes. Hopefully there isn't, I'm getting bombarded with questions as it is.

[ This is barely a day before MK explodes at him over this, so it probably can be categorized as "oh you sweet summer child". ]

I'm afraid I'm not very good at handling delicate questions.

I am sorry. I should have been better.

Stop that. You're as good as I could ask for.

[BUT HE MESSED UP? He's supposed to fix things, not break them!!!]

You wanted my help and expecting things to maybe go wrong with Wukong was one thing, but your other relationships were supposed to be safe.

MK is important to you too and I changed that when it wasn't hurting you.

Hang on, I'm coming over.

[ The text chain pauses here because Macaque portals to wherever Donnie is. ]

Kiddo, you can't beat yourself up. I'm not upset with you.

[Oh no, you've found him in the sadness cave.]

[The room is dim, lit up with soft purple lights, with devices in various states of built, several screens from large to small, with blow up pictures of the brain scans with all angles and all stages, with lines to notes and attempts to figure out what's happened.]

[His head snaps up, and there is a look of guilt and fear on his face, his heart racing.]

[He opens his mouth, closes it again, looking up to the side.]

[ Macaque moves beside him, but doesn't touch. Instead he chirps twice: safety, affection. ]

If you need one of those tight hugs, definitely say so.

[OH NO]

[He chirped. It doesn't matter its a monkey chirp, he's got a weirdly good grasp on animal noises, he knows what the chirps are and he's gonna tear up because that is]

[A lot of feelings when he was afraid and feeling guilty and shame and was sure he was going to mess things up-]

[He nods, rubbing at his eyes.]

[ Poor turtle. Macaque steps forward and folds Donnie into his arms, firmly. ]

C'mere, kiddo. You don't have to be worried about this.

[ Not yet, anyway. And even when it all goes bad, he won't have to be worried about Macaque rejecting him. ]

[He's not used to this. He's not used to getting this level of comfort from messing up from the person he messed up with.]

[Not counting post mind control comforts, because he can recognize that is technically not his fault. Feelings don't always, but he can understand it.]

[But its a lot more intense when he's the one whose made the mistake and he knows it. Especially for something as important as someone's relationship.]

[He leans into the hug, burying his face against his shoulder. Chirping, voice it into a lower register. Sorry.]

[ He chirps back instantly: emphatic acceptance, comfort, insistence. ]

You don't need to apologize. I'm the one who should apologize, for putting you in this position. You were only trying to help me, because I asked you to.

And even if it was your fault, I still wouldn't turn my back on you. I won't do that. I promise.

[Oh. Oh no.]

[He takes a shuddering breath, trying to not cry, isn't doing so hot, the emotions are a lot and intense and his stupid body demands it come out somehow.]

I wanted to help.

I know. [ Macaque hugs tighter. Trying to find the optimal tightness. ]

No matter what happens, it means a lot to me that I could trust you with this. To help me when I needed it.

[ More chirping, none of it having any particular translation but all of it gentle, soothing, comforting, encouraging. ]

[He can take real tight. He can laid on by someone whose probably a good six hundred pounds or something, Raph is like the size of a small car.]

[He curls up more against Macaque, trilling low and wanting of affection.]

You deserve it. [He's been so good to Korone and him. He didn't have to be so kind, so willing to teach them things, willing to help them, and protect them.]

[He deserved so many good things, and he had just wanted to help.]

[ Real tight it is. Just keeping Donnie close, trying to be reassuring. A few more chirps, giving an almost protective vibe. As if Macaque wants to protect Donnie from his own intrusive, self-punishing thoughts. ]

I'm not sure about what I deserve, but I know you were only wanting me to have everything I wanted.

It's going to be okay, I promise. [ He can fake it -- for now -- while they figure out what's going on here and whether it can be fixed. ]

You're a good person. [And honestly, when is the last time Macaque heard that, REALLY.] Good people deserve good things.

[There is something about the protective vibe. It helps. It helps a lot. He loves Korone and Eve to death, he does, and he would be a mess without them, but they don't have the right Vibes for feeling protected in the way a parent aged adult can manage. (Or Raph.)]

[He missed this feeling. Where there was a barrier between him and all the harmful things in the world.]

I'll find a way to fix it. It...may take a while.

Let's not go nuts. [ It's inflected as a joke, but it's not really one. The closest thing that anyone's come to calling him a good person was MK, and won't that thought sting in 24 hours? ]

Don't worry about it. Now that I know what's happening, I can keep up appearances. [ CAN HE REALLY? ] I know you'll figure it out. You're one of the two smartest people I know.

[ He chirps again: trust. ]

I'm going to. Good people are too harsh on themselves. Being kind and good is hard and should be appreciated. [When he knows ninety percent of his morals is outsourced and the world is very lucky that he just plain LIKES people, he knows how hard the struggle can be.]

Sorry you have to mask. I'll try to be as fast as I can while being accurate.

[There is another shiver at that and then another chirp. Appreciation.]

Kiddo...

[ Macaque inhales like he might have explained at length why he's not a good person, but this isn't the time to get into all that. He exhales instead, slowly. ]

I'm glad you think so.

Don't speed along, though. The last thing you need right now is pressure.

[ He chirps patience and calming. ]

[You can TRY, Macaque. You can try real hard, but you're gonna have to deal with Donnie Logic which is surprisingly a lot more forgiving than one would think.]

I do. Choco does too and she's a lot better at judging characters by vibes than me.

Friends are important. I don't want you to lose a friend.

[ He peels away just enough to look Donnie in the eye. Keeping his arms tight around Donnie, still. ]

I'm looking at you so you'll know how much I mean this: nothing that happens is your fault, okay? If I lose someone then it's because of what I did.

[But meeting eyes hard.]

[He]

[He does his best.]

....still.

I wish to try and prevent that if I can.

Its...important that I try.

[ When Donnie struggles to meet his eyes, Macaque tugs him close again so he won't have to. ]

Then we'll try. I know you'll need to feel that you did everything you could. But you have nothing to prove with me, because I already know that.

[Donnie curls in again and]

[God, this is a lot.]

[His arms actually move to wrap around him and cling.]

I'm....

Really glad you agreed to teach me. [There is a lot of weight in those words.]

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