othellovonryan | Seasons Inbox

I know. [ Macaque hugs tighter. Trying to find the optimal tightness. ]

No matter what happens, it means a lot to me that I could trust you with this. To help me when I needed it.

[ More chirping, none of it having any particular translation but all of it gentle, soothing, comforting, encouraging. ]

[He can take real tight. He can laid on by someone whose probably a good six hundred pounds or something, Raph is like the size of a small car.]

[He curls up more against Macaque, trilling low and wanting of affection.]

You deserve it. [He's been so good to Korone and him. He didn't have to be so kind, so willing to teach them things, willing to help them, and protect them.]

[He deserved so many good things, and he had just wanted to help.]

[ Real tight it is. Just keeping Donnie close, trying to be reassuring. A few more chirps, giving an almost protective vibe. As if Macaque wants to protect Donnie from his own intrusive, self-punishing thoughts. ]

I'm not sure about what I deserve, but I know you were only wanting me to have everything I wanted.

It's going to be okay, I promise. [ He can fake it -- for now -- while they figure out what's going on here and whether it can be fixed. ]

You're a good person. [And honestly, when is the last time Macaque heard that, REALLY.] Good people deserve good things.

[There is something about the protective vibe. It helps. It helps a lot. He loves Korone and Eve to death, he does, and he would be a mess without them, but they don't have the right Vibes for feeling protected in the way a parent aged adult can manage. (Or Raph.)]

[He missed this feeling. Where there was a barrier between him and all the harmful things in the world.]

I'll find a way to fix it. It...may take a while.

Let's not go nuts. [ It's inflected as a joke, but it's not really one. The closest thing that anyone's come to calling him a good person was MK, and won't that thought sting in 24 hours? ]

Don't worry about it. Now that I know what's happening, I can keep up appearances. [ CAN HE REALLY? ] I know you'll figure it out. You're one of the two smartest people I know.

[ He chirps again: trust. ]

I'm going to. Good people are too harsh on themselves. Being kind and good is hard and should be appreciated. [When he knows ninety percent of his morals is outsourced and the world is very lucky that he just plain LIKES people, he knows how hard the struggle can be.]

Sorry you have to mask. I'll try to be as fast as I can while being accurate.

[There is another shiver at that and then another chirp. Appreciation.]

Kiddo...

[ Macaque inhales like he might have explained at length why he's not a good person, but this isn't the time to get into all that. He exhales instead, slowly. ]

I'm glad you think so.

Don't speed along, though. The last thing you need right now is pressure.

[ He chirps patience and calming. ]

[You can TRY, Macaque. You can try real hard, but you're gonna have to deal with Donnie Logic which is surprisingly a lot more forgiving than one would think.]

I do. Choco does too and she's a lot better at judging characters by vibes than me.

Friends are important. I don't want you to lose a friend.

[ He peels away just enough to look Donnie in the eye. Keeping his arms tight around Donnie, still. ]

I'm looking at you so you'll know how much I mean this: nothing that happens is your fault, okay? If I lose someone then it's because of what I did.

[But meeting eyes hard.]

[He]

[He does his best.]

....still.

I wish to try and prevent that if I can.

Its...important that I try.

[ When Donnie struggles to meet his eyes, Macaque tugs him close again so he won't have to. ]

Then we'll try. I know you'll need to feel that you did everything you could. But you have nothing to prove with me, because I already know that.

[Donnie curls in again and]

[God, this is a lot.]

[His arms actually move to wrap around him and cling.]

I'm....

Really glad you agreed to teach me. [There is a lot of weight in those words.]

[ The clinging feels like a victory, even if a wistful one. ]

I am too. You brought a lot of good to my life. You and Choco both. [ Yes he got Choco rights. ]

[It is. Clinging rights are earned.]

And you think you're not a good person when you got Choco Rights.

...Is that unusual? [ He has no concept for how often it happens. ]

Her older brother, Eve, and I are the only one with Choco rights from what I last took stock. Presumably Kaito would also have them, but Kaito is complicated childhood friend.

I see.

...I'm not sure whether that proves anything about me being a good person.

Of course it does. She doesn't trust people who don't deserve it.

...though she does have a love for shady people who are actually good people, life just happened. Her brother is super soldier special ops, so you know.

He's absolutely assassinated people.

Yeah, well. My history isn't much better. There wasn't much for six-eared monkeys with shadow powers to do back then.

Exactly.

And Wash is like...the only other parent aged adult I've met in a long time who takes it as seriously as you do.

Hits that balance of not being patronizing, but also gets...we're kids. Like I've never seen someone try so hard to get Raph to actually talk about his issues, but also not totally scare him off about it, which is not an easy needle to thread.

You're kids who have been through a lot. Anyone who wouldn't try to help, I question how their mind works. [ Macaque still isn't sure he's the right one or the best one for the job, but these kids chose him, he can't and won't go back on it or give up. Unless they decide they're done with him. ]

I'm not a good person, I just like you two. You're easy to like.

People easily buy into the adultification of kids and believe it applies to all aspects of life and not just the parents they had to get good at instead of developing in a more univeral manner.

She's easy to like. My batting average is a lot lower.

You're forgetting that I liked you first. [ He's just saying. Korone is great, he cares impossibly much about her given the relatively short time they've known one another, but Donnie was what pulled him in. ]

You don't need to worry about being more adultified for now. Just let me take care of you both. Eve too.

[Oh no, being liked. TOLD he's liked.]

[There's another sniff.]

I'm just saying. Some of that is you. That you care.

I have a feeling we could go round and round for a while about this. But you do believe me, I hope. That I care, and nothing's going to change that.

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