othellovonryan | Seasons Inbox

If he was going to get all consuming feelings for me, it would have happened long ago. Trust me, this is better. He'll be happier with me more able to relax around him.

It does seem like it would have happened before all the drama. Just keep me updated on any major changes. There is also the possibility the blocks heal themselves entirely, immortality is a difficult factor to account for.

It'll be what it is, like I said I don't regret anything. He and I both needed to breathe, and I need to figure out who I am without being his shadow.

True. It can be a very real eye opening experience when you have to live without those certain people, as important as they are.

If all this accomplishes is that I'm less of an albatross around his neck then it was worth it.

Time will tell, I guess. When do you want me to check in next, or should I let you know when I see you for training? [ Which is probably pretty regular. ]

Pretty sure he'd need therapy himself if you loving him was that bad.

Training should work as a check in, unless you notice a dramatic change from what you've been experiencing already. If there's ever a dramatic shift, let me know right away. My sleep schedule is always a mess, so don't worry about late wake up.

You've read the Journey writeup, even knowing it's incomplete what do you think about his need for therapy?

I'm taking that as permission to show up at all hours to keep you limber.

If he hasn't had any since then? He'd need a whole lot.

Do not touch, or you will get bit, spiny softshells do not mess around with their jaw strength. You'll also want to be sure you're registered for any security systems.

No therapy and 400+ years of complete isolation. Which I don't say to mock him, I want him better, but there's all the conditioning to contend with.

Kiddo, you can't think I'm that dumb. Or that easily caught up in security. But sure, register me, unless you want me to take it as a challenge.

The isolation probably wouldn't have helped. Generally no one does well wholly cut off.

Its a fair warning, since people have different understanding of things and some people think nothing of touching a sleeping person. And there is security and there is my security. Non-standard is the name of the game after all the nonsense my family has had to contend with.

So I try to make sure it isn't set off by those who are going to be around regularly.

I can literally make clones to do all that dirty work for me. But I appreciate the warning, and I wouldn't touch you out of nowhere. Less because it might hurt me and more because it's not very conducive to building trust, which is slightly important to teacher-student stuff, or so I hear.

I really should think of a work around for that. Not that its really a failure of the security if the clones are dispatched.

Its probably important. The only teacher I ever had was dad and that's my dad.

It is a good policy though. Touch can be a very tenuous thing for me, like sounds are for you.

We'll figure all this out, between us we're pretty smart.

I don't get overwhelmed by the sensation of touch which is I think what you're getting at, so it's a little different. For me it can just be intimate in a way I'm unused to. Not all the time, just sometimes.

It depends on context entirely. I'll have one night stands with strangers and it's no big deal, since that's the opposite of intimate. [ Which will either resonate or it won't. ]

It the overwhelming thing, correct. At least I imagine superhearing would come with times of sound becoming too much.

Touch based on trust is a different thing entirely. Not wanting someone I don't trust to touch me is very different when it comes to overstimulation touch.

The former being all about the context and relationship. There is definitely a difference when someone is touching you for the physical enjoyment and when feelings are involved and just who gives what touch. The scale is ever shifting.

But the latter, there are simply days where no one is allowed to touch me because its an absolute nightmare in my brain.

My hearing is the reason I know what you're talking about, yes.

In any case, I'm not going to encroach upon all those boundaries with you intentionally. Telling me to back off is always allowed. I'll try to be aware of it, but the ever-shifting nature means I might make assumptions that sometimes turn out to be wrong.

I am usually fairly good at informing others when I need space. The biggest issue so far is when people take short and blunt as being more angry and harsh instead of it simply being the easiest way to convey information. Its never personal.

I *am* a delicate and sensitive flower, as you know.

Oh, definitely. You're truly as fragile as a butterfly's wings.

So glad you see how right I am.

I'll see you whenever I decide to pester you for training, then~

See you then.

[And really, he'll either be Hyper Aware if he's being watched or Not At All, there is no inbetween.]

What sort of side effects did you want me to watch out for, again?

The usual concerns for anything to do with the brain. Anything going off in the five senses. Excessive headaches, sensitivity to light, fuzziness, especially if you lose track of time or forget things more than normal.

For this specifically, if you start forgetting about Wukong, if your emotions never show any change around him. Blocking off love is one thing, but if you can't be like vaguely annoyed or amused, its all just on consistent line, that is a problem. Technically romantic love for anyone else should be different specific neuron pathways, but if there had been someone else, that would be a thing to look for, but without a subject, there's no way to test that.

I suppose if you determine you're aromantic in the future, that may be why.

People have been saying that I'm acting different. Maybe it's just that removing those particular feelings changed everything about me a little?

Its possible.

I spent ten days in the Temple alone without my family for the first time in my life. Well, for time I can remember, I don't remember the time where I was a literal turtle.

It was only ten days, but I had to make several major adjustments. Leo was quite upset with a number of them, surprised I had managed, but with the major shock, and also the death games, I had to do something to find some groundwork of stability. Some sense of normalcy. Since all my emotional consistency was gone.

Which also happened with Raph and Leo. I noticed changes in them, and I believe its because we were lacking Mikey, April, and dad, who are honestly a lot better than the three of us when it comes to mental and emotional coping and adjustment, or at least instilling it in us.

Case in point, I would have never made these observation before the Temple. But someone had to.

Wukong was a major cornerstone of your emotions according to you. Removing that cornerstone means other things have to shift and move to grant you stability again.

Makes sense.

I'm finding myself dodging a lot of questions, though. I tried telling them that people change sometimes, but they still seem a little... [ nervous? ]

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