othellovonryan

[He fidgets with the phone. Looking at the list, twisting the phone away, looking at it again.]

[It really doesn't seem like a lot, overall. Especially if it could be worse. Heck, even if healing was turned off, these are parts people could function perfectly well without.]

[But Leo isn't him.]

[Leo who was their medic and chose healing power and barring certain worms, was usually so careful with his blades.]

[It takes a minute, parsing out how to approach.] Did you finish your list?

[Gojo had a head under one arm. And Aloy did that to Hunter. There were so much worse things.]

...Yeah.

Willing volunteers or did you have to take them?

[One hand will let go of the phone and reach for one of Leo's.]

...We certainly didn't win for most brutal acquisition.

A lot of teams were doing trades just to get enough for their antidotes.

[Taking his hand and squeezing it.]

That does tend to happen, when there's an option.

But what about you? This-

[Hesitation, what is it, how to word it. Leo avoided this, then admitted it. That means-]

This is bothering you.

...All the other teams had eight and nine people participating.

Snail had four. And one of 'em was Nanako and he was too sick to move. Mochi kept - being weird about not taking anything from a bunch of people, so it was me and Gojo getting most of it. I had to do something.

[....ah.]

[Another hand squeeze.] That is a lot of pressure to be under.

...did you do something you regret?

Edited 2023-04-24 13:30 (UTC)

[He lets his brother squeeze that hand. Then carefully rolls onto his side curling into himself a little.]

I don't know. I don't regret trying. But... everything else, I dunno.

[Oh boy]

[Ooooh booooy]

There is that moment of panic because even he isn't sure if this is just a thing where Leo needs comfort, or if this is an actual crisis.]

[He wishes Mikey were here.]

[But Leo told him. He's opening up to him, even as he turns away, and he can't fault him, sometimes its easier to talk when you're not looking at the person.]

[He squeezes Leo's hand and reminds himself he had sworn to try for these things. Be a good brother, be a better brother.]

Perhaps....going over everything else and how you felt at the time will help?

[Leo sort of huffs a sigh through his nostrils. Donnie's just trying to help. He's trying so hard to be there and listen and Leo already had his breakdown about this, the night Hunter disappeared for a day. There's no point to it now.]

Not really. It's over and done with, I talked to her afterward and we're gucci. We didn't win. [He shrugs the shoulder not pressed into the mattress.] Just... Kept thinking afterward that's the kinda stuff Draxum originally made us for.

Ugh. Its always the worst when you don't win. [He's gone hard for bad games and to have it mean nothing is just...]

[Well, he has Hot Soup carved on his arm to remember that.]

...for violence, yes.

Does it worry you?

I dunno. I don't think it worries me, but I dunno what it does.

[He's quiet another minute just... Thinking that over.]

But yeah, that's what you missed. Bad game, party, voting game, Hunter growing up a year.

Hm. [He nods, just looking at Leo's hand for several long moments.]

We are more than what we were made to be.

Maybe you already came to that conclusion, but...

Just because we were made for violence doesn't mean that's what we have to be.

...Hm.

Yeah. Rise up instead and be heroes.

[There is a pause.]

[A very long pause.]

[There is a small huff, something sad and heavy in it.]

....it feels ludicrous to say it, doesn't it?

To claim we're heroes while we're here, when sometimes the only choice is to do something horrible. To act as unherolike as possible, because its the only way to protect those we prioritize more than other people. Not people we hate or think are bad, just...

Ones we don't care about personally.

["Don't care about personally". Donnie???

Leo shifts to turn his head to look at him, brow-arch drawn together confused.]

Do you not care about Robin's Egg?

[He looks up at that, looking quite blindsided.]

Wha-

What makes you think I don't care about Robin's Egg?

I put three of them in the bunker? I would have done more if I had the time and Shiro wasn't a nightmare to figure out how to keep contained.

[?????]

"The only way to protect those we prioritize more than other people. Ones we don't care about personally."

Sounds like you don't care about 'em.

[Math lady meme face for several beats.]

Oh.

No.

I meant... [He looks away.]

I meant we prioritize those we care about. And hurt the ones we don't.

Instead of it being criminals or people causing harm, people who need to be stopped, we just...

Hurt those who didn't endear themselves to us.

If I didn't like Robin's Egg, I wouldn't have been willing to forgive them for killing Hunter.

[Leo listens and settles to just... giving Don's hand a gentle squeeze.

Leo doesn't really have the heart to mention that's how he always operated anyway. Family before all others. Just now that family is more complicated.]

Guess there's nothing for it here.

[He hums, silent for several moments before he lifts Leo's hand to his shoulder.]

I could use healing. The bruises are deep and I can't go without my battleshell that long. Not outside of here or Robin's Egg. What I get for losing track of time so long.

[Leo doesn't look at him, but he listens. And huffs a little sigh through his nostrils. Of course.

He focuses on that, feeling the bruising and his stripes light up with his ninpo as that soft warmth seeps into Donnie's skin to start the gradual healing.]

Should find a clock or something with a timer.

I know. I'll need to set something up on my phone.

[He dies sigh in relief as the pain fades.]

Why did you want to be a hero? You specifically.

We know why Raph does. I know why I do. Why do you?

[He doesn't answer for a minute. A long minute while those bruises heal and the skin returns its natural coloration.]

Because it's the right thing to do.

And why do you want to do the right thing?

Billions of people, everyday, don't go to the lengths we do, to do the right thing.

What drives you to go that far?

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