othellovonryan

Okay. [Kisses the back of her shoulder.] Take your time.

Thanks …

[ Nestles into the pillow with a sigh. ]

[ By the time those fifteen minutes are up, she's pretty much a puddle, as floppy and melted as she usually gets when he squishes her. If it wasn't for the rhythm of her breathing, and the faint , it'd be easy to think she'd fallen asleep. ]

[He had grabbed some of those pieces to fiddle with them on the corner of the bed over her shoulder, slotting and taking them apart as he waited for the minutes to pass.]

You feel a lot more relaxed.

Brrrrrr.

That's good. [Another kiss to her shoulders.]

Mm. [ her wings do a lil fluff-puff. more subtle than usual, but still, it's there. ]

No more skippy.

That's good.

[Another kiss.] Did you retrieve the thought you lost?

[ bird purr. it isn't a churr, there are differences - more content/relaxed/puddle time ]

Play the recording again?

Okay.

[Time to replay the conversation.]

- Oh!

[ paps her hands against the bed!! ]

Yes?

I remember.

[ folds her arms under her head ]

She was thinking you could use the boon on Aloy-san. I pointed out that you weren't likely to do that without explicit permission first, since — well … [ his girlfriend and his brother both have significant trauma around the whole thing ]

But then she reframed it as offering Aloy-san a bond.

And then ... with the especially-especially ... I was going to say that she really didn't go long. She said the right things in the right way, and I could tell that she was genuine. [ she tilts her head around as best she can to peer up at him. ] I'm not mad.

You're being protective, it's sweet, but I don't want this to drive a wedge between you and Tryse-san, okay?

Oh -

And then I was going to say, uhm, yes please to the thread analysis, actually, 'cuz I think a facts-based might make it through easier. You're not an unbiased source, but you are objective.

Raph has a trauma. And you, but she knew about Raph to an extent. Don't tell him she brought up the weaponization, it'd probably wig him out.

But considering the whole 'Aloy shouldn't be pushed' and the 'invasion of space' are things SHE said, it seems kind of obvious an even deeper invasion would do the exact opposite of anything helpful. And it's not as if I can pretend I suddenly can understand people and keep it on the down low.

That is conversation, not something I should just do, especially when I care about the consequences. Recordings have me engaged, at least what's shared are things I'm already given permission for.

[He grumbles.] My annoyance is not a wedge. I was never the one trying to make a wedge in the first place. Me getting annoyed or angry isn't a reason to push people away. If it was, I'd have no relationships. I swear, it's like Raph and I are the only Eggs who know how to have fights with people we like.

My bias is focused entirely on less concrete factors, like personality and force of will. That may be a little too much credit, MAYBE.

Raph-kun and I are too same hat about this kind of thing. [ A quiet huff. ] Definitely not mentioning it anywhere he might hear.

[ Unfolds her arms, reaches back, and gives him a careful li'l scritch under the mask tails. ]

Getting used to arguing with people can be tough. Kaito n' me could fight like cat and dog for hours and hours and then suddenly it's like nothing ever happened, but I have one heated exchange with someone on Sparrow and I get so anxious I wanna throw myself in the lake. [ ... accidentally dropping the korone lore. she's touched on it very briefly with sorawo, but she's never admitted outloud just how "OH GOD" things can get. ]

... I agree, though, that it's gotta be a conversation. There's a logic to what Tryse-san was thinking — that is, I can see what she meant and why she suggested it? Little nudges instead of pushes, with the boon to scope out whether you need to change your approach. But. No. I couldn't ever condone using the boon that way.

[ drops her hand back down ]

Spreadsheets me later, Dokkun.

At least he's still all right with the mindmeld.

[He grumbles again, but arches into the scritch.] I don't have that. I'll argue with everybody. I go over it later and then I might get anxious if I realize I let my anger take hold too much, but then I would usually just make or do something and then they'd get it. But making things is harder here and I don't know as much of what people like. Or if they would even understand.

...do you argue with Sparrow much?

I'd risk it for a new relationship. Not when the whole reason of the misunderstanding was about crossing boundaries. You don't apologize for eating someone's pizza by eating pizza in front of them. A little worrying if she didn't see that already.

Can do.

That's part of your whole thing, right? As brothers — as family. Makes sense it'd be different.

[ sssshhhe pauses, though, at the question ]

… Complicated. I like Sparrow a lot, but I wouldn't say I'm close with most of them? "Friendly but not friends," and some I barely know at all. And … well, between some stuff in my past, and … my approach to games is shifting away from hers, but there's still some overlap — and then team politics and differing priorities - [ flappy hands ]

I spend a lot of time feeling like an outsider? … Ah, that makes it sound bad. It's a me thing and I'm working on it. Anyway.

[ flappyflappyflappy, but then she sighs and lets her hands rest ]

Mmmm ... Well, now she knows that you'd have considered that an invasion of privacy. I also pitched the idea that maybe you guys could give the boon a try sometime? Prob'ly not immediately, but somewhere down the line.

It is, yeah. Accessed it even before we knew about the Ninpo. And may be why some of the voices that sound like them are so clear. [So those brother manifestations.]

....making connections on the team is hard. The only ones I'd say I'm close to are Raph, obviously, and Crow. I would have said Tryse before, but...

I like everyone, but I'm not sure if they would think to feel the same. So...it may be more common than you think? If that makes it sound less daunting.

We could. Just...I think she needs to understand HOW my emotions work. I knew in theory they were a bit strange, but after all the various forms of emotion sharing, that is a certainty. So we may need to do something more heavy duty first.

The … what? [ What?? ] … You mean like how you had manifestations of them in your heart?

[ ... ]

Oh, I know that making connections on a team is hard. I've been on six of them. [ a little shrug, more in her wings than her shoulders. ] And I know that feeling like an outsider in a group is common. It doesn't make the anxiety or the panic attacks any easier to deal with. [ sometimes you try to raise a mild dissenting opinion and straight up have a panic attack about it. it's fun. ]

Heavy duty ... like ... the mindscape stuff?

I had what?

....you...don't have an inner voice sometimes that sounds like someone whose opinion you value highly? Media made that sound like a thing.

That is a lot of teams. But...you got a brother out of one. You have other close connections, right? [Concern.]

Hmm, yeah. Just...she didn't believe me when I tried to explain the void feeling. [The Pit.] Which I know SOUNDS bad, but it's really more like a buffering space. She didn't seem to believe me.

Edited 2023-08-02 11:25 (UTC)

Oh, uhm. You had manifestations of your brothers? Like Mikey-san was with the you that represented relationships.

[ … ]

Uhm —

Sometimes I'll think, "What would this person say if they were in this situation?" and try to imagine it, but … uhm, pin that for 117, please.

... Keep in mind, Dokkun — that team with my brother, we weren't exactly a normal team. In games, we were usually assigned to fill in the numbers on other teams. Imagine you were playing in a bad one and some random person who worked for the cult was stuck there with you. [ ... ] I think I did have some friends, though.

[ #amnesiaproblems ]

My knee-jerk reaction to seeing the manifestation of your void feeling was, "Yikes, that looks bad!" ... It took a moment and some chatting with Relationships to realise what it really was. So maybe it could be worth offering another explanation, when things are calmer.

Oh.

...yes, that would track. Mikey was usually best at helping with general relationship advice. April was better for very specific situations.

[Huh.] Okay, 117 subject noted.

was your team regularly supposed to hurt people? [Even More Concern.]

Maybe, but if she can't understand that, it...hampers all the rest. That space is time and there is a lot of time I just need that, but she pushes anyway. Even if she knows I'm in a bad place, she still thinks I can handle more, and even when I'm freaking out, she just...doesn't relent.

You know, I don't remember if I ran into an April-san in there? … But my memories are pretty fuzzy for some of it, so maybe … [ hum. ] Anyway, it definitely tracks. Like they were there for support and advice.

[ And, with the ninpo connection ... ]

[ h u h ]

[ ... is it like - ]

[ Sorry about this sudden sharp FLINCH, Donnie, Korone cringing and curling into herself. It only lasts a second, but it's. It's noticeable. She breathes out slowly. ] Anyway, the Cat team -

[That's because April was baked into the upper world]

Maybe that points it to be a Ninpo thing. April was only connected a few months.

[That was Sure A Reaction.]

Uuuh wait a second. That was not a just keep talking action?

What? Oh. [ Ugh. ] ... I brushed against a taboo. Or I got too close to brushing against a taboo. 117 thing.

....hm.

Should I ask Washington about the thing before then?

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