Donatello "the air bud of war crimes" Hamato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
othellovonryan) wrote2031-09-09 11:46 pm
othellovonryan) wrote2031-09-09 11:46 pm
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Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
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Okay, that depends on a lot of things, but it's more discouraging to find out there's a problem weeks or months later because then I have no idea how to correct anything and then there's a wedge I never knew about.
[At least he's more mindful right now.] Just making sure. [He will move the parts back to the nightstand and roll off her back.]
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I think she understands now. If not fully, then better than she did before.
[ There's a quiet oof at the shift. She sits up briefly, stretches out, and then flops back down on her side ]
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Suddenly too much.
[He moves closer behind her as she lays down, wrapping his arms around her to pull her close.]
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it isn't a churr, but it is somewhere between a trill and a coo. a chrill, if you will ]
[ she flips open her notebook, paging through. it's almost all in Japanese, with doodles and scribbles everywhere, with different colours and even highlighters. very chaotic. but her handwriting is neat, at least. ]
It's the kind of approach I'd prefer for myself. These days, that is. Some conversations are difficult by nature, and maybe it is something that you have to keep... mm, teasing apart over time? Work a little, back off, work a little more ...
But it's honest, open, and constructive.
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Sometimes conversations have to be big because of things out of your control, but all the more reason to deal with the smaller stuff.
Its easier to make smaller changes too. When sometime is big, then you have to do a big change, and that is hard and feels...bad.
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[His grip tightens a bit.]
I believe so, yes.
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You're not, by the way.
And if anything or anyone makes you feel that way again, you tell someone so they can help you.
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I had expected it for being shady or too pragmatic, the things I know people usually have problems with. But when its just because I had a fight with another person who isn't even the one expressing the problem.
Then people want me to make major changes I can't be sure I can do, or express vulnerabilities I'm not ready for, even when things are fine with the person I had the original fight with...
It makes me feel like there is something massively, fundamentally broken. Some neon sign other people are seeing that I can't hope to read.
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It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, fundamentally, as a person.
... Have I been making those feelings worse? Any of them?
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You-
You've been patient. Even when I massively mess up. Even when you know there are things I think and want that I know you don't agree with, but you understand why I got to the conclusion so you don't make me feel bad for simply getting to that idea.
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If I ever do make you feel that way, please let me know. [ she squeezes his hand tight. ] ... My temper isn't like hers, but I still have one, and I can still be rude, and impulsive, and thoughtless. Even with the people I care about most. [ especially them, a lot of the time. ] I just ... have a lot of practice accepting shades of grey. [ of being shades of grey, herself. ]
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And I'm not afraid of you getting mad. I've seen you mad. I fully encourage threatening or coming after me with a staff. April will do that with a bat, or there'll be threats with a sandal between my brothers and I, and it.
Makes sense.
Its not a resentful anger.
April is just keeping up with what we can do, and rough housing is just our normal, and I already understand I can't go after a human with a staff, that's biological, but its like....
[He waves a hand in the air in front of them.]
It gets the feelings out and if there's still a problem after, then its a talk.
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[ and that one, she knows, sure can hit Different from a mop-smack upside the head ]
[ she snuggles back against him, though ]
... Rough housing to get the feelings out really is the best, though.
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But.
Reassurance after the fact does help a lot.
[It can hit So Different. Words are Powerful Things.]
Rough housing is a lot simpler. Far more direct.
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That one was her, not me, but there's still enough of her in me that … [ flappy hand ] I can't pretend I'm not capable of being the same kind of dumbass.
[ … ]
For the record, it was 'cuz … well, first dad forgot about my birthday 'cuz he was too busy chasing that stupid thief, and then Kaito forgot about it too, and he wouldn't stop talking about how great aforementioned stupid thief was.
… and then he said he asked me if she - I was a man … so I smashed him through a desk, obviously. He promised to put on a magic show at my birthday party that evening. Didn't turn up. Didn't even call 'til it was one minute to midnight.
I was ... uhm. Upset. Really, really, really upset. Promises are serious business. [ To say nothing about her Many Issues around being left behind. ]
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...
Honestly, birthdays, and then hitting the dad issues, and then his continued disrespect to your identity, and then lied, and barely managed to apologize on the same day?
If I was on that bad of a roll, I would have deserved it, because if I knew about all those issues and hit them all in succession, that would be bad, even for me.
[But he also holds promises as very serious business because you should never lie about things like that.]
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Sorry.
[ identity nonsense gets confusing, especially when you can't easily use names ]
He was a jerk and deserved a telling off, but "I hate you" is a bit much. Or a lot much. [ ... ] I got off track again.
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[He kisses her shoulder.] You were worried.
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Or mess up what we have.
[ And sometimes! Sometimes, it's hard not to worry, no matter how confident she (legitimately) is that they can pull together. ]
Just goes to show, right? People are hard. Feelings are hard.
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But...
You don't make me feel broken.
I'm...usually pretty good at not letting those thoughts win. The last time someone treated me like that, I realized that what they did was unfair. They demanded more than they had any right to, and their 'punishment' was needlessly cruel and vindictive.
But Tryse matters, really matters, so its...harder.
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I'm sorry they did that.
[ she's not going to ask for any actual details, but she does give him the best squish she can give from the little spoon position ]
Tryse-san is willing to work for this, too. It won't all be on you. [ hum ... ]
Where's the best place to start with this-? [ flips another couple of pages ]
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...were there other bruises she was worried about?
Just-
Mikey has said 'blow ups are often a lot of little things that built into a big thing.'
And if she was already not telling me things...
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… and he's younger than her, kun is probably fine, but ?? ] … is right.
You just gotta keep in mind, too, that those little contributory factors don't always come from the same place.
[ she flips through again ]
She and I talked before about it being okay to ask or remind you about projects ...
Tthe way you talk about, uh, that Arthur person, has come up a few times. That seems to be one of the big things that frustrates her. Along with the feeling lectured to and talked over.
... She didn't say this one explicitly, but I got a strong feeling that she was- worried? about the way you said you don't let go of relationships. That might be one to talk through with her when you guys are on more stable footing.
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[THERE IS]
[A LONG PAUSE.] The best I can do about Arthur is not talking about Arthur, but if both Aloy and I can look at Arthur and go 'those are red flags,' I truly cannot believe that conclusion does not have merit. I even attempted to keep my misgivings to a minimum and simply nudge her into healthy relationships habits, but...
She got changed into Arthur after that one game. And found me while I was feral.
Which nuked my minimum ability for tact.
I....lectured and talked over is hard. I can try, but I need a lot of feedback to figure out what signs to look for with people. It's very hard to not just....ramble. Even if I am not attempting to be arrogant, I know I still sound it. It's a bad combination.
[He frowns.] She was actively telling me to accept defeat with Aloy and wouldn't back off.
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ACTUALLY MAKE THAT MORE i will let you know when I'm done
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still going
DONE
Re: DONE
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