othellovonryan

[Wylan is still watching the spot where another version of him disappeared forever beneath the inky black when Donnie grabs his arm. It still doesn't shake him from what he just saw. Jesper. Repeating the words of his father. Yes, it's a mindscape, but it's haunting and it hurts. The tears continue down the sides of his face unabated.]

Okay.

[He is going to put his hands on his shoulder and turn him around. Pushes him to the nearest wall.]

Just stand here and try to breathe while I investigate.

[Right. Breathing. Wylan squats down to try and control his hiccupping breathing, tries to shut the images out of his eyes, but all he can see is Jesper telling him to be forgotten. Why would Jesper want to send him away? Is it truly all the other relationships? Does Jesper not have room for him any more?

Does Jesper not want him any more?

Before he realizes it, more jealousy snakes out from his corner of the mindscape.]

[Donnie takes the look around. Jesper himself needs to be fine. Maybe alter his wording. Okay, there is a lot of mud, he's gonna try to reach into the mud.]

[Unless he's got movement behind him-]

[Behind Donnie emerges two figures, tall and brawny and from Wylan's memories. They both let out low growls, which startles Wylan into turning around. No. No. No. As soon as they begin to charge, he climbs to his feet and cries out to Donnie,] Donnie!

[That distracts one of them to turn and catch Wylan by his throat.]

You were meant to be forgotten. [is snarled right up at Wylan while the other bulky fighter means to attack Donnie.]

[One second, Donnie is kneeling by the mud.]

[The next, he's near the ceiling, a small purple rod extending out into a full titanium bo staff, a hammer forming at the end of it to small into the back of the figure that had been trying to get the jump on him and he uses the momentum to send a kick towards the one grabbing at Wylan.]

[Wylan had been kicking in the one man's grip-- Prior, he realizes, which makes the other man Miggson when suddenly both of them are collapsing down on top of him in a giant dog pile with Wylan on the bottom. It reminds him of the inky mud and he tries to claw his way out of the human pile of limbs but he's not strong enough. Prior curls one bicep around Wylan's throat again and pulls up tight.

Wylan can only make choked sounds of need. Help him Donnie, please.]

[Its a mental construct.]

[Probably don't murder.]

[Drugging is probably fine though.]

[A syringe appears from the metal plating on his back and he grabs it to stick it into Prior, prattling on the chemical compounds for one hell of a sedative.]

[You know, just to make sure it takes since Wylan should recognize at least some of it.]

[All of a sudden, Prior releases him and Wylan is left coughing into the mud. He barely squeezes out of the pile of men as the chorus of compounds fill his ears. Donnie's right, Wylan recognizes quite a few of them and he's grateful no one's getting murdered, even it it's just a mental construct.

Wylan continues to cough a little longer before he sits back in the mud.]

Does that happen a lot?

[He eyes Miggson.]

[....gonna stick him with another needle.]

[Definitely not sus Donnie just has Multiple Sedatives On His Person, Surely.]

A lot? No, not in my experience, but it has happened before.

[Namely he had his own self attacking his mind. Or, well, a Thing He Made In His Soul Did.]

It does point to some self destructiveness though.

I would advise working on your father issues because terrible fathers should have all their words purged from their children's memories.

[Self-destructive sounds a bit familiar for sure. After his father wanted nothing more of him, it was far too easy to fall down into his own rabbit hole of self-hatred.]

But we're here for jealousy. Do you think I was jealous of my father?

[It finally hits him.] I was jealous of the baby, the 'proper heir.'

Well, that was more generalized advice from someone whose seen a number of parental issues.

Though it has been shown parental issues can lead to other issues.

Like my current jealousy?

[ Wylan is still keeping far, far away from that inky mud, thank you very much.]

Correct. [There is a Shift in his energy right now.] If a formative relationship made you feel like you were easily left behind, that can transfer to future relationships.

[Then its gone.] So you're worried Jesper will be like your dad. Which...seems unlikely. Jesper seems to be someone who loves fiercely.

[He goes back to the mud and going to touch it, see if he can get a reaction, or feel the jealousy in it.]

[It's true, Jesper does love fiercely, but.]

I suppose I'm worried he'll run out of love. As if it's limited, and there won't be enough left for me.

[With Wylan's words, the mud reaches up to try and ensnare Donnie's arm to drag him in.]

[Ah, yep, expected.]

[The markings on Donnie's body suddenly glow as energy gathers around his hand into the form of a powerful vacuum.]

[Time to try and vacuum it up into a container that seems to build itself right beside him.]

Love is not a finite resource.

Trust me, I truly, and sincerely wish it was, and it is not.

You do? [Wylan seems puzzled by everything Donnie just said, so he stares, and then stares some more.]

It would be a lot easier if I couldn't learn to love more people.

[He's going to tug his arm out of the mud again, trying to suck up more of it.]

I think I have the opposite issue. [Jesper is the only person who has ever loved him, so seeing him with others makes him think he may eventually think like his father.]

You have a hard time caring for others?

No, others have a hard time caring for me. [Whether it's insecurity, jealousy, or a combination of both, but it manifests easily here in this heart game. Wylan dips his head as an imaginary Kaz Brekker walks through with two sheets and then a moment later snatches one away, causing Wylan to flinch. Another scene plays, in an alchemist's lab where a woman with dark skin argues against including him on the team, Jesper joins in on her side.

In yet another scene an explosion goes off, and four heads turn toward him, either to glare, stare, or otherwise damn him before he even gets a chance to explain.]

Oh, that's a whole different problem.

Love isn't a finite resource, but it is a resource that is picky about where it goes per person. I don't love everyone, but as I love someone, it gets fierce quickly.

And as you see, not everyone is going to love everyone. That's just how it works.

I'm a created freak of nature, so as you can probably guess, I am not exactly Mister Popular back home.

But just because most people are small minded doesn't make the people who do love me any less.

[Wylan nods along with Donnie's words. It makes sense. Not everyone is going to love him, even if he were as charming as Jesper. Somehow Jesper loves him, but that doesn't mean Kaz will, or Inej or Nina. Life simply doesn't work that way. He supposes he should stop blaming them and blame himself instead.

That's the message Donnie was trying to get across, right?]

I should be happy with what I have?

I'm saying don't let the fact others not loving you diminish the value of those who do love you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more loved so long as you don't view yourself as unlovable just because some people don't like you.

Because people do love you, and that is precious, isn't it?

[Looks at him, raising an eyebrow.]

It is. [Wylan holds his hands over his heart.] It is very precious to me.

Re: Day 103, after the minnow meeting

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