othellovonryan | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noise

It starts as just irritation. A metaphorical crawling under your skin. Things are too noisy, too bright, there is too much happening all the time and you can't take it all in-

Then silence it, make it yours, make it you, take control and destroy what will not submit

It sounds so inviting, a freedom from the noise, but its wrong, its wrong, its wrong and the noise is getting louder, mechanical and foreboding as it sees you, it knows you are there, and it wants to make you apart of it.

Anatawa hitorijanai

For a moment, there is quiet.

You breathe.

And fall through water.

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Of course I trust you. That was never a question. [He's not looking at Hunter, the guilt clear on his face.]

I wasn't-

I wasn't being promised anything. I chose to use the information. I chose to access it.

The Technodrone didn't exist until after I started it, but its. Its fine. I have them under control. I have it under control.

You don’t, Donnie.

… just like I didn’t have control of Belos. It’s not weakness, he’s just strong. And ruthless.

And so are they.

I know they're ruthless, strong, but...

But they need me to still be able to use the Ninpo. The fact is, they can only try to take so much from me for them to get what they want. They have to convince me. I just have to remain unconvinced, and I have access to thinks I just don't normally.

I can make biotech. I can potentially cancel out the powers of the snake. The knowledge is all there. I just need time.

Some things are too dangerous, Donnie. I could probably do a lot too if I decided to track down that Belos fragment in the woods and tried to incorporate him. I’d be an incredible witch with his power - I could keep up with the rest of my team -

[ He swallows. ]

But. It would be a bad idea. This is too.

Belos can't get anything from you as you. He would take anyone.

Just like he took Leo.

I know its a bad idea, but the alternative is letting all of you suffer.

Its better. Its better to just have one person suffer.

I can take it. I can keep you all safe. You can all hate me and it'll be enough conflict the snake will leave it alone.

It’s - it’s NOT better. Not when we can all work together. I’d rather suffer a little if it means we’re all together—!

Excepting you won't be suffering a little! [He turns to look at Hunter, gesturing at his everything.]

I’ll still be suffering less than you are now.

[ Hunter reaches out for Donnie. ]

Please. Trust me?

I do trust you! Why aren't you listening?! This isn't about the fact I don't trust you!

Its about the fact that all of you are okay leaving me behind!

… I’m not okay with leaving you behind.

You would die for me.

I would. Yeah.

But I don’t want to. And I won’t, because you’ll protect me. Right?

That's what I'm trying to do! [The teal is creeping up around his neck.]

You, Leo, Raph! Others! You're all so willing to just...to just die, not even thinking how it hurts everyone you leave behind! Where you think that somehow...somehow that solution is ACCEPTABLE!

It’s not acceptable.

[ Said quietly, simply. He eyes the spread of that blue with concern.]

It never was. I’m still struggling with that. So - please don’t think it’s acceptable for you either.

We can work on it together.

I'm not planning to die for any of you.

I'm planning to keep you safe. I can deal with a lot more trauma situations then the rest just because I can be pragmatic about most of the worst stuff.

All of you might hate me, but-

But there's a chance you won't.

At least when I Sacrifice, [the teal creeps up higher] I don't give up hope for better. I just accept it might not happen, but at least I'm not dead.

[ Hunter reaches out a little. ]

Then hope, okay? Don’t take it all on your own. Please.

[There's contact and he jerks back, the teal sizzling on his skin.]

Its better this way! At least all of you will be fine, and I can take it. I can take being alone!

Edited 2023-02-16 08:41 (UTC)

I don't want you to be alone! Please!

I don't matter!

Yes you do! You matter to me!

[ He gulps in a breath. ]

You're my brother! You're my best friend! Even before I got close to Mouse, you were there for me! I - I didn't even remember that I had friends back home. Not really.

You showed me what it was like NOT to be alone. That I could have someone who understood me as I was, and not who they wanted me to be. I never knew that feeling before I met you.

Then why are you so ready to accept your death?!

[He slams a hand on the console.]

Why are so many just-

Ready to give up on themselves?! You and Crow and Leo dodges talking about the future like he's already planning his next sacrifice!

[His other hand clutches at his face, the tears starting.]

There is time, there is possibility, but no one...

No one wants to believe they don't have to go, that the science and magic are right there to fix it.

How can I believe you won't leave me behind when so many people act like they're already gone right in front of me?

Because I'm messed up! Because my uncle has prepared me for death all of my life! And when he took me over, it - it was the only thing I COULD do!

[ He's crying a little, messy; he scrubs at his face with one hand. ]

But you're helping! Every time we talk, you remind me why he's an awful garbage human being and I deserve better! You're better!

You do deserve better! You deserve to hope! To fight for being able to live!

You deserve to live for decades, to have a happy life, and you're here, you're alive now and that means you don't-you don't have to just accept death again. It means we can keep you alive. There's so much time to assure it.

Yes! I do! You're right, Donnie!

So - please help me believe it. Help me see it through. WITHOUT hurting yourself to make it happen.

I'd rather hurt then see you hurt.

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