othellovonryan | (no subject)

Correct. Feelings and emotions can be put in, as long as something is in the mix. Power, or a memory, both are viable in a mentalscape like this.

[There are many devices. The machines are the machines they appear at first glance, but interaction does bring emotions. Particularly in relation to whatever song seems to be set for that machine.]

[There is joy, the rush of rhythm and patterns and how you can apply the same to people. Just like you learn the beat of music, you can learn the beat of people, you just need to be around them long enough and every once and a while, you can guess the next lyric of their song and you're so proud when you do.]

[There's a sad song, where the words are hard to hear, where you're never sure what someone means, what they want, and you say or do the wrong thing and like singing offkey, it causes discord between you and others.]

[There's rage, something lonely, where you just want to connect, you want to be close to people, you want to value and be valued in return and its a crash of lyrics and impulses.]

[More continues like that.]

Hmmm.

[ Crow considers for a long moment, then considers before he reaches out to combine a rage device with a thought-- one of Crow's own, but maybe it'll work anyway.

It's a memory Donnie's seen before, but it's selfishness and it's vengeance and it's a deliberate choice to do the wrong things for the wrong reasons. To ignore what he knows is right for what he wants.

And he also thinks about portals. ]

[A lot of feelings and moral quandaries and More Than Enough to make a doorway to morality.]

[A grey doorway.]

You did it!

Edited 2023-02-12 05:31 (UTC)

[ Of fucking course it's grey. That's a wholeass mood. ]

Then I'll be heading on. But don't forget-- even if I'm not here physically, I'm still with you. Okay?

[ And then he'll open the door. ]

[Before you go]

[You are getting another hug.]

Its all right if you don't know what to do with hugs.

But thank you. I believe you, the whole thing about the ninpo is not needing to be physically there.

Be safe, all right? I'm going to see what I can mitigate.

[But then he'll step back.]

[And Crow is free to go.]

[ He's stiff and awkward, but he doesn't try to escape the hug. But he relaxes a bit after Donnie pulls back and he smiles, a little more softly than usual. ]

I can do safe.

[ And then he turns around and he's off. ]

[Beeboop]

[ Some time later, Crow is back. ]

I heard there are dossiers?

Hey Crow!

Oh yeah. Now that things aren't so pressing, you can read yours.

In that case, gimme the goods.

[ He pounds a fist into an open palm and grins. ]

I wanna see.

Okay.

[He goes over to the consoles that had been previously covered. Now he can see all the screens and interfaces and also a stupid amount of handbased puzzles.]

He touches the keyboard and the screen moves from the moments acting as a screensaver to instead display a multitude of icons. Largely of people's faces and their names, but there's also things like 'Dr. Feelings Therapy Notes, and 'Emotional April Talks'.]

You might not like what you read.

Oh, I'm not worried about that.

[ He says, fully braced for plenty of negativity despite the conversation he literally just escaped. ]

I'm always interested in other's perceptions.

Hm, that's fair.

[Oh Crow, he knows you'd be fine with negative, HE ACTUALLY KNOWS BETTER.]

[But he's gonna sit on the desk beside the screen and gestures to the Crow icon, which has red under it.]

The red is because I threw you in the bunker.

That makes sense, gotta keep notes on that.

[ But Crow is heading over now and clicking on this icon to read. Or touching, if it's touch screen. ]

Name: Crow Armbrust

Age: 21 (Does this count the time he was dead? Unknown.)

Height: 180cm/5'11

Favorite Color: Azure

Team: Robin's Egg. (Team senior.)

Objectives: Gambling, be competitive, play card games, physical affection, flirt

Taboos: Talk about motivations (did talking about his revenge count for this? Ugh), refuse a bet, deliberately lose, back down first, explain Rean Schwarzer (Dear friend at minimum, the one he wants to save the world, going to have him kill him while probably hiding who he is as best he can.)

Cultist Thoughts: Compulsive gambler and sharpshooter, deadly with a double-saber. Capable of piloting giant robots. Dangerous when in charge.

Relationship Note: He doesn't want anyone to mourn him. Very firmly tries to keep all relationships as casual as he can possibly manage. Definitely the type who would do anything and everything for his loved ones.

Noted People: Randy and him are from the same world. Their exact relationship is unknown. Randy is still largely a mystery. Estelle on Snail is also from their world?

World Notes: The most confusing tech trajectory. How does one get to movies and the internet and not television shows? Even with it being powered by an element that is most similar to magical crystals, the parts are still there and the leaps of logic should not have been so vast. Peculiar, very peculiar.

It would be nice if Sepith was a common element, but its likely something in the make up of their planet. None of my information on the Hidden City points to crystals being so consistent and predictable in their operations. Their technology is called Orbal and can be used as a power source for any more mundane technology I've familiar with, as well as elemental effects while using an ARCUS.

There are giant mechs that may be part of a god? Unknown if that is the definition of the Great Power, but it sounds close enough for conceptual pondering.

Education somewhat limited, social classes are still strong even if there's moves to dissolve those lines. Military is a very present institution and not a very trustworthy one.

Crow is/was a terrorist. While he was taking out another terrorist cell. It makes sense with his motivations, but one must wonder about a place with this many terrorist cells.

Validation Source: He's not stingy with the compliments, but its difficult to say if he puts much value in his own words. Still, its nice to hear if lacking the punch of some others.

Analysis: I wonder if its ever worked that people say 'don't care about me' and then gotten people to not care about them? Maybe such a thing would have worked if I heard it at the start, but admittedly, I only knew about Crow's desire after I decided I already liked him. For a time, I pondered honoring his wish after he and Shirou killed Hunter, but then again, that is what he would have wanted. As angry as I was, I didn't want to give it to him. I should probably look into my tendency to decide to care about people out of pure spite just because they tell me to write them off. Is it worrying if it exists, or if it only happens if I didn't care about them before hand? Hard to say.

Though I imagine I would have had difficulties regardless. I had already long since decided I liked Crow and his desire to be written off was a fool's errand. I've never known anyone in my family to give up their feelings for someone they care about, no matter how extreme the circumstances. They could walk away from that person, but never stop caring, and I'm not so arrogant to believe I would be the exception to that rule.

Crow and I have a lot in common. Its easy to simply operate with him, which is a novel thing to realize. Not that I begrudge my brothers being an anchoring point for me to not go off the deep end, but there is something very freeing about not needing to be constantly rethinking my actions, if I was going too far, if this would make someone whose opinion I care about look down on me.

Not that I should be wholly careless when it comes to more interpersonal interactions, but it feels less...lonely? Less lonely. Sometimes someone has to make the terrible decision, and its nice to meet someone else who gets that concept. Even if he's farther along than me in that development.

That is the one thing I've always had trouble to say about Crow. Is he a good person? A bad person? His motivations certainly aren't 'good,' but they are understandable and come from somewhere that is good. His actions have certainly ranged from terrible, to good things.

I wonder if the Projector conversation was simply pain of people he lost, or did he feel responsible? That is probably a callous question to ask.

Its a hard thing to say if Crow is a good person or a bad person. Maybe I would understand more if I didn't have a relatively charmed life when it came to actual moral crisis, most have at least a somewhat easy answer. I think it is safe to say Crow will do anything to achieve the goals he sets and I think what those goals are depend on those who are in his heart at the time.

But I am reasonably confident that Crow is a kind person. Not beyond cruelty, certainly not beyond cruelty, but there are far too many decisions he makes for the love he has for others, to leave the least amount of pain behind. I don't know if this is natural inclination, or something he desired over time, but for someone who so dearly values people, to work so hard to be unimportant to avoid hurting others, that is someone who holds a lot of kindness in his heart.

I want to be his friend. Even when he wants to drive me up the wall in his forced distance, I understand why he's doing it. Especially when he's bad at it for the less emotionally fraught moments. He doesn't have to make sure I'm okay when I need to get out my anger. He doesn't need to offer distractions. He doesn't have to joke and mess with me, but I appreciate it all the same.

He doesn't have to offer the understanding he does, but he does so anyway.

I do wish he wouldn't smile when he's upset, that's annoying, but either he doesn't want to be vulnerable, or he doesn't want people to feel bad when they didn't mean anything by it. Maybe both.

He also has a weird way of being very confident in some ways, and undersell himself in others. He helped invent the motorcycle! And he acts like its nothing just because he was the assistant to George. I swear, some people just don't get how much even following along with genius takes true intelligence. Oh yes, certified badass and gambler, but inventing a whole mean of transportation? That wasn't something so grand, I wasn't in charge.

Also a giant robot likes him. I can't understate how much value there is in that.

So no, I don't think I can give up on him. Not so easily, and certainly not because of some bullshit the snake pulls.

He's accepted his death, but I don't think Rean would, and I'm not going to either. Too many people in this place are ready to just accept death like being here hasn't already said there are other options not originally on the gameboard. Of course, I can't do anything that puts Rean in danger. He will not allow for anything that could endanger his friend, so any plan has to start with the caveat of Rean getting to win that fight, and preferably not know of Crow's living or dead state until there is a guarantee for his life. That's fine, I can work within those parameters. I just need to get more information out of Crow about his circumstances, which is the real challenge without him clamming up. His life is being sustained already. The first idea would be to see if there is a way to make an alternative to that source. Maybe I could get a scan if its present here and work from that?

A shame grabbing Randy alerted Crow. He's going to be on high alert, so chances are high I'm not going to get everything off him before he inventories it. Hopefully his ARCUS doesn't have anything for escape attempts besides big explosion, that should be covered by the Raph proofing, but it will be inconvenient if he has his phone. I really should have gone for him first, he was a higher priority, but Randy was just too convenient an opportunity.

Crow is a complicated person. A complicated person I can almost get and I find myself very much wanting to understand. I want to help him. I want to spend more time with him. I want him to get to enjoy that happy ending he's putting so much work into for his friend-probably friends-back home. Whatever bad things he's done, its my own selfish wish to see someone who obviously cares greatly get to have some peace after so long of not.

Edited 2023-03-06 21:15 (UTC)

[ Crow is reading along, mostly quietly and punctuated with an occasional nod as he does. It seems like smooth sailing right until--- ]

[ Can Don-bot guess what part gets Crow to make an incoherently surprised sound? ]

[Absolutely not, there are many points that could have done it.]

[He is watching Crow though because he's not allowing edits to the Dossier at this junction.]

[ To his credit, Crow does not seem to make the slightest move to try and claim the keyboard for edits. He does stay quiet after that shocked moment, finishing his reading. Towards the end, he looks distinctly annoyed for a brief flash, but he keeps reading.

He's silent for a long time after it's clear he's finished reading. He's still looking at the screen, but it's at the screen, not the words on it.

Finally, after several long moments, he taps at one particular point on the screen.

"Its a hard thing to say if Crow is a good person or a bad person." ]

I can give you my answer to that one, if you're interested.

...sure, you can give me your answer.

I won't feed you some line about how I'm evil or the worst or anything like that. I don't believe that people are as black and white as all that. There's plenty of people worse than me. Plenty of people darker and more twisted, plenty who have lines far beyond anything I'd ever personally dream of crossing.

But no, I'm not a good person. I'll play along with the good ones when it suits me, it even feels pretty nice to. But at the end of the day, don't let yourself think that my reasons are anything less than self-serving.

[He stares a few moments.]

[Then he laughs.]

My moral compass is in Selfishness' room.

Heh. I know.

[ Crow sighs, then shakes his head with a rueful grin. ]

There's a fundamental difference there, but I hope you never learn it.

Maybe.

But I don't necessarily think its wrong to be self serving as a motive. It depends on a mix of what that self serving entails and what you do.

[He shrugs.]

I'm not one to judge people so highly on the things they've done necessarily. If I like someone, I want to help them, and as long as I'm not hurting others to do it...well, I don't see a reason not to.

And there's the difference between you and me.

[ Crow's still smiling, but it softens to something a little less rueful. ]

Not that I think being selfish is "bad" in and of itself either. It's one of my worse qualities, but I'd call it one of your good ones. Your brothers need a guy like you around. And.... I gotta admit, I don't hate one of the good ones around here understanding my perspective a little.

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