othellovonryan | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noise

It starts as just irritation. A metaphorical crawling under your skin. Things are too noisy, too bright, there is too much happening all the time and you can't take it all in-

Then silence it, make it yours, make it you, take control and destroy what will not submit

It sounds so inviting, a freedom from the noise, but its wrong, its wrong, its wrong and the noise is getting louder, mechanical and foreboding as it sees you, it knows you are there, and it wants to make you apart of it.

Anatawa hitorijanai

For a moment, there is quiet.

You breathe.

And fall through water.

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...sure, you can give me your answer.

I won't feed you some line about how I'm evil or the worst or anything like that. I don't believe that people are as black and white as all that. There's plenty of people worse than me. Plenty of people darker and more twisted, plenty who have lines far beyond anything I'd ever personally dream of crossing.

But no, I'm not a good person. I'll play along with the good ones when it suits me, it even feels pretty nice to. But at the end of the day, don't let yourself think that my reasons are anything less than self-serving.

[He stares a few moments.]

[Then he laughs.]

My moral compass is in Selfishness' room.

Heh. I know.

[ Crow sighs, then shakes his head with a rueful grin. ]

There's a fundamental difference there, but I hope you never learn it.

Maybe.

But I don't necessarily think its wrong to be self serving as a motive. It depends on a mix of what that self serving entails and what you do.

[He shrugs.]

I'm not one to judge people so highly on the things they've done necessarily. If I like someone, I want to help them, and as long as I'm not hurting others to do it...well, I don't see a reason not to.

And there's the difference between you and me.

[ Crow's still smiling, but it softens to something a little less rueful. ]

Not that I think being selfish is "bad" in and of itself either. It's one of my worse qualities, but I'd call it one of your good ones. Your brothers need a guy like you around. And.... I gotta admit, I don't hate one of the good ones around here understanding my perspective a little.

[He nods.] My brothers do. Too much selflessness can be just as dangerous as a malicious type of selfishness.

[He smiles.] I'm glad I can do that much for you then.

Heh. You're really kinda... pure like this, aren't you? Able to say anything that comes to mind, right from the heart.

Yes.

Most of my problems are a physical reaction, chemical imbalances, misfiring of neurons, weird nerves, or what have you.

But this is just my soul, so none of it gets caught in my throat because it all gets to be too much.

Either it comes through, or it falls into The Pit for later processing.

The world is probably better off that you do have that filter. Most people would be blinded by this kinda brilliance if left to it for too long. Still. I'm glad I got to see it, just this once. This other side of you, unfettered.

[Donnie loves people and he loves them a lot, its the other contributing factor to his 'not a supervillain' status.]

[Donbot actually looks shy at that because oh, that's a lot, and very sweet, and he chuckles kind of sheepishly.]

I'm glad I got to show people. Its...hard to put everything I feel into words, let alone get them out.

So its nice to make it plain and simple.

I'll try to remember it's there, even if you have a hard time saying it all.

[He smiles at that, and looking incredibly fond.]

I'm glad to hear it. I thought you might have been upset.

Oh, I'd have been pissed if I thought you pulled all that shit of your own free will. But I could tell something was up pretty damned quickly. Even if some of the ideas were probably yours, the execution was off. You were off. And it's with that in mind that I decided to keep an open mind.

Oh, I meant that I still care about you and that stuff.

I'm going to feel terrible about the bunker situation because there's a reason I don't try to throw people into bunkers and its because it would set my relationships on fire and I'm not a very big fan of treating people like they're incapable to such a degree. It rubs me the wrong way.

And I'm not used to have a lot of guilt so... [He waves a hand in the air.] I'm going to be a mess when I wake up. High chance of desperately looking for a way to apologize.

I already accepted that earlier. I don't have to like it and I certainly think it's a bad idea, but I reached out to you knowing that it means I'm going to have to accept it.

Oh, but feel free to add a note in my dossier about not needing a gift for me. I got the message already.

...true. [He chuckles.] You really are a guy who follows through for people he decides to care about.

I can try, but its not likely to stick. If nothing else, making stuff helps with the processing and there is a lot to process.

A....

Lot to process.

True.... I imagine even if it helps, people running around inside of you, fixing things up is only gonna be adding to that pile.

It is.

And then there's all the Kraang stuff.

[He shudders.]

Yeaaaaaaahhhh....

[ Crow draws the word out. ]

That's a whole lotta "nope" in one go.

I'm not going to feel clean for a week.

Can't say I blame you for that one. There's not a whole lot I can give you for that one but space to work it out.

Space is honestly the key thing. I need time to sort out my feelings. It shouldn't take more than a week, as long as I don't run from my problems.

If it takes you more than a week, I'll hit you up for a chat.

That would be best, yet. Unfortunately I cannot discount trying to run from my problems when this is all put together again.

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