othellovonryan | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noise.

It starts as just irritation. A metaphorical crawling under your skin. Things are too noisy, too bright, there is too much happening all the time and you can't take it all in-

Then silence it, make it yours, make it you, take control and destroy what will not submit

It sounds so inviting, a freedom from the noise, but its wrong, its wrong, its wrong and the noise is getting louder, mechanical and foreboding as it sees you, it knows you are there, and it wants to make you apart of it.

Anatawa hitorijanai

For a moment, there is quiet.

You breathe.

And fall through water.

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[The Donbot holds! Raph specs honored.]

I mean....

I trapped you in a bunker.

And before that...

I could have done more when you and Leo were fighting.

You trapped me in a bunker 'cause some dumb magic snake messed you up. Don't get it twisted. And the Leo stuff is. Was? I dunno. Weird and complicated. We get on different pages and stop speakin' the same language. That's not on you.

[ Would he even call it fighting most of the time? One-sided arguing. Lecturing while Leo stayed all smug and relaxed-looking and needled and didn't get it, and not getting Leo right back, a whole dumb thing.

Well maybe for Leo that does count as fighting.

Wish in one hand, spit in the other, though. ]

You think I'd put the safety guy badge on just anybody? Get with it.

I still feel bad for it. [He kind of hates it.] It feels like my fault.

It was a family problem and...I was picking up stuff that neither of you were.

[He knew at least part of what Leo's problem was.]

[And he knew where Raph was coming from because it was the ways he and Raph were similar.]

[But trying to intervene had been....a terrifying prospect. He had hoped they could just figure it out, that nothing had been so important to try and navigate minefield.]

I might have been able to help. Before things got so...messy.

[Before the Invasion made it so much more.]

[But]

[Oh.]

[That's right.]

[He presses his face against Raph's shoulder.]

....I am glad for that. You do so much to make us feel safe. I wanted to give you that at least a bit.

It's not your fault. I guess it's not really anyone's? I think we all wanted to do what we thought was gonna be the right thing to do, but our right things didn't mix great.

[ Even Pops. Stuff usually settles okay. This was just. A whole thing. He thinks. That's still in the Raph processing center because it does all kinda tie to the invasion and that means there's a lot of stuff he has to step around. ]

You do. More than a bit. That's not gonna change, either.

You all were. I just wasn't ready to navigate those emotions. I always put that all on you guys.

[Even if he isn't good at it. He doesn't want them all to suffer because he wasn't willing to have a hard conversation.]

....good. [He hugs him tighter.] I hope that is the case. I can be consistent for security.

Like I said. Stuff was weird. But we all got through it. That's better footing we're gonna have next time.

[ Probably. It sounds right to him. He'd like to say something like "don't circle back on it too much" but that would be..... probably way too easy to get called out on himself? He's pretty sure that 90% of what the mean drill sergeant dude in his brain does is post-game stuff to figure out what he could've done better or how to not have them happen again.

Raph has zero complaints about More Hug. He's collecting. ]

You're also consistently my little brother and I love you, so there. You can stick that in the dossier.

[Donnie would absolutely call him out, Raph forever circling back on his anxieties and even Donnie Knows.]

Maybe. I know to not sit by when I can see part of the problem. [He is less sure how much Leo has internalized 'sometimes aggression and disagreement is not a personal judgement on him.']

That is written in the Hamato base file. Your family and you're loved, no matter how many times you have to be talked down from a potential world domination plot.

Oh, good. Had to make sure you had your family facts straight.

We're gonna be there when you're ready, alright?

[ It's not all 1:1 similarities, but they've all got some common starting ground in "something got into my head and made me hurt people" understanding now. Him, Leo, Donnie. Hunter. What a legacy they're establishing. ]

That file is part of the OS of the system. If any of those facts change, this whole thing will just start crashing.

[This is the worst sort of legacy.]

I'm not sure I could function if I didn't have those facts.

[ Hmmmmm. So an OS is important... noted. ]

Good thing you're never gonna lose 'em, then. [ ! ] Wait, could you lose 'em with the corruption stuff?! Are your big files in trouble?!

No. The Core firewalled himself as soon as the Corruption took hold. [Tilts his head]

There was a brief moment in time he could have been in danger, but Cat took care of that.

Do you want to meet The Core?

Edited 2023-03-05 21:22 (UTC)

[ Phew. Good. Nice and secure. Cat is a real one. ]

I could meet him, yeah. Is there anywhere else we gotta clean up first?

Every room has been visited except the River, but I believe that fine? It's base instincts, it can be hard to detect changes, but there isn't a ton of need to change it for the corruption either.

The Core would know for sure.

A memory for your place in the family works for getting to The Core. Other things to, but that is least nebulous.

Right. Then Core it is! Meet another Donnie, get the official word. I'm not outta here until I know you're all set.

[ It's the whole point! Corruption bad! Restore little brother!! ]

Place in the family, huh...

[ That is. Phew.

It's only fair if it's about making a door to a part of Donnie that's all about that, it's just also a heck of a concept. Time for a good ol' fashioned think session, give him a minute. ]

I know. [Raph is getting another Donbot hug.] You're a good big brother and I love that about you. [Unfiltered emotion is just full of hugs for the Raph bank.]

I'm sure you can think of something.

[ Place in the family. Place in the family.

It's not that he doesn't know his place in the family. What he's all about. He's the oldest. The big brother. The one who is the biggest. He's the one who does whatever he has to to keep them all safe. Tries to be a shield from stuff, is still trying to figure out where the line is between shielding and holding someone back. Between carrying them through something when they need it and not letting them learn to walk on their own.

A brother in general. A son in general. Hamato in general.

So like a memory where that clicked. Where he felt that. Like he was exactly who he was supposed to be when it came to his family, doing what he was meant to do.

Watching the escape pod close around Leo and being so relieved that for a second his fear numbed out. Carrying everyone away from a fight they couldn't win. All of them in his arms all at once, hugging him back. Closing dad's door and putting on a brave face and trying to drag his brothers into a game of hide and seek.

April saying trust us, understanding falling into place where it couldn't before, barely keeping balance with an insane amount of pizzas stacked on his head while everyone rooted for him--

TRIES TO TURN FEELING INTO CRAFTABLE? ]

[Donbot is going to keep being draped on him and Mind Mikey will to, because Raph deserves it in this trying time.]

[Emotion and memories coalesce together and a new craftable appears in the table, 'Family Place']

[ HECK YEAH free cuddles while he works very hard with his brain AND a successful feeling-memories-to-craftable resource transfer.

Family Place. Yeah. Good. Raph intuited the important lesson of making the emotion resource first so he wouldn't accidentally make a door back to a place he went already. aka he forgot to make the door part in the moment.

Wooden door 2.0, here we go, this time with 'Family Place' power. ]

[Family Place + Door = Purple Glowing Door.]

[There's the purple.]

There it is. Try to not lose it when you see The Core.

Raph is totally going to lose it when he sees The Core.

Raph's not gonna lose it when he sees The Core, you little-

[ GRUMBLE HUFF ETC ETC

He nabs roboDonnie and energy Mikey by the shells and undrapes them from his person. He gives them loud dumb embarrassing forehead smooches just to be evil. ]

You two behave yourselves out here! [ Raph you are in Donnie's heart you are not in charge. ]

Definitely gonna lose it.

[Donnie nods sagely in agreement.]

[Because little brothers always gotta harass their big bro.]

Ugh, really Raph? I'm not a little kid, you know! [At the smooching because Mikey wants to be seen as perfectly grown up, thank you.]

[Donnie takes to it better, beaming happily because he is here for ANY AND ALL AFFECTION, he is a crystalized aspect.]

We'll be doing a lot better now. Thanks, Raphela.

As big brother, all little brothers are always gonna be little kids to me. No matter how old you get or how many buildings you throw at evil aliens. It's science. Take your kisses and be glad I don't eat you.

[ Relations Donnie gets it!!!

But good.

He's glad neither of them is stuck here alone. It's a whole weird heart brain. Thing. So he guesses it's all Donnie and ugh his brain hurts he's stopping thinking about it. He'll just be glad. ]

Love you guys!

[ Gonna deploy that purple door and head through to The Core! ]

[Have one very pouty Mikey and amused Donnie.]

Love you, Raph! [Because even if he's pouty, he knows Raph will appreciate it with Real Mikey away right now.]

Love you! [Donbot is just here for the love period.]

[And through the door is The Core.]

[Raph will probably pick up the difference of this room. Unlike everything else that had been an amalgamation of different things to express an aspect of Donnie...]

[The Core is instead just a memory.]

[It had been three weeks since the projector had broken. There was no tv, there was no movies, and sure, that didn't mean they were without entertainment. They were industrious kids and even with limited resources, they still found ways to have fun.]

[But their dad used television as a form of escapism and while at times he gave the tv too much attention, he could still mostly be there and present if they really needed him. If he was watching tv, he would know if they were in actual distress. He was easier to pull into fun and games. He may have been addicted to the tv, but he was at least still a physical presence.]

[Their father watching tv was far preferred to the days when he hadn't been able to get out of bed.]

[But the projector had been broken for three weeks, and he had no luck on his scavenging trips, and it had been clear Splinter was suffering without the escapism, starting to go to bed earlier, waking up later, harder to grab his attention.]

[And then Donnie had announced he got the projector working.]

[He had excitedly explained he looked at some of the other appliances and found the patterns and he managed to fix the problem and the projector and tv shows and movies were back.]

[It was the first time Donnie had shown his aptitude for machines. It had also been the most he had ever spoken at once at that age, explaining how he did it. It was after that day Splinter would bring back even broken machines and Donnie would start his passion for tech.]

Edited 2023-03-09 03:59 (UTC)

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