Donatello "the air bud of war crimes" Hamato (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
othellovonryan) wrote2031-09-09 11:46 pm
othellovonryan) wrote2031-09-09 11:46 pm
Inbox
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
Username: Bootyyyshaker9000
no subject
Nemurune: this time to laugh
Nemurune: thank you for your self-control, beloved
Nemurune: fun trivia: my brother and his friends once solved a problem by crashing an entire spaceship into it
Nemurune: do people not just
Nemurune: ASK about your experiences?
Nemurune: i know it's EASY to fall back on assumptions based on prior knowledge and experience, and it's not like i don't goof up sometimes myself even with the benefit of having met dozens and dozens of people from vastly different worlds
Nemurune: but still.
Nemurune: tragically, yes
Nemurune: that really got you, didn't it?
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Bootyyyshaker9000: I would LOVE to crash a spaceship into something if I wouldn't cry about losing the spaceship.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I can't tell you how fun smashing someone with a giant DRILL was.
Bootyyyshaker9000: People do not, no.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Which is funny because it literally says I'm a mutant on my profile.
Bootyyyshaker9000: People either just go 'turtle' or don't even think about it.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Its come up a few times people have assumed things about me without any basis on knowing me or my experiences.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Assign me being judgemental on things I'm not.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Assume I have experiences I don't.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Even the other day I had to explain that my whole shut down feelings thing is not maladaptive coping mechanism, its just how my brain works to try and process things because I need time.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Admittedly that isn't a life experience thing, that is just some version of mental disorders except in mutant turtle brain.
Bootyyyshaker9000: what do you say to supervillain marking their plucky hero partner in some sort of nemesis obsession
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Nemurune: i'm absolutely going to take you to wash-nii's world btw
Nemurune: ( ˘ ³˘)♥
Nemurune: that sounds frustrating
Nemurune: to say the least
Nemurune: especially if it keeps happening
Nemurune: maybe i'm biased, but you're really not that difficult to talk to & get to know
Nemurune: enthusiatic consent granted
Nemurune: you have full creative freedom re: how and placement, with the only caveat being that it's not permanent
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: Would he be okay with that?
Bootyyyshaker9000: It is very frustrating. I'm so used to everyone I know either being familiar with it, or simply not caring because they're a mess anyway (Draxum and Cassandra are not properly social people)
Bootyyyshaker9000: So running into people who make all these assumptions or have these expectations of me is
Bootyyyshaker9000: Daunting and stressful.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Like I understand Aloy has her own social issues, I get that, and I won't get into them because privacy, but
Bootyyyshaker9000: Having these expectations for me to be emotionally aware and competent when that simply isn't my wheelhouse is daunting.
Bootyyyshaker9000: And it feels unfair a lot of the time.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I'm already trying so much to be better at emotions than I am.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Because Mikey nor April are here, and Leo and Raph are not as hyper aware of all my interpersonal interactions, so I can't just rely on them to make up for my shortcomings.
Bootyyyshaker9000: And being told to do even more than I'm already attempting to do just makes me want to cry.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Its so hard to be in the uppertier of emotional competency on a team.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Right
Bootyyyshaker9000: Yes
Bootyyyshaker9000: Not permanent, noted.
no subject
Nemurune: to hold a staff
Nemurune: and not
Nemurune: indulge
Nemurune: in the need to SMACK
Nemurune: but yeah, i can't imagine that he wouldn't be! i've already chattered at him about some of the people i wanna introduce you to. as long as he knows where we are/that we're safe/not getting embroiled in some ridiculous space opera bullshit
Nemurune: this has been building for a while, hasn't it?
Nemurune: you've been working your butt off, emotionally speaking, for as long as i've known you
Nemurune: they need to try, too. i hope they have been. it can't all be on you to recognise, reach out, and fix things.
Nemurune: is this the kind of thing where it might help to have a
Nemurune: translator, i guess? a mediator?
Nemurune: that restriction may change in future
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: Everyday is a battle of self control.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Is getting embroiled a common issue?
Bootyyyshaker9000: I don't know.
Bootyyyshaker9000: The problem is trying to get my teammates to actually open up and communicate.
Bootyyyshaker9000: The thing is trying to get them to be willing to connect.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Like sometimes I don't understand what's going on and THAT helps with translating.
Bootyyyshaker9000: But now I'm being told to actively monitor people's emotions at the time, and THAT is
Bootyyyshaker9000: I would need someone actively there to translate.
Bootyyyshaker9000: And that's not really a fair thing to expect?
Bootyyyshaker9000: Just
Bootyyyshaker9000: Relationships are about meeting people halfway.
Bootyyyshaker9000: That is a necessary thing.
Bootyyyshaker9000: ah
Bootyyyshaker9000: You are still injured.
no subject
Nemurune: one time i went to visit wash-nii for a long weekend
Nemurune: got kidnapped by space pirates with a grudge against the reds&blues
Nemurune: it was a bad life choice on their part
Nemurune: tbf though that's 50% space opera bs just HAPPENS around them & 50% I'M a jeopardy-prone danger magnet.
Nemurune: yeah, no
Nemurune: you're pushing your limits, trying to do what you can from your side. it sounds like you've tried to communicate that to them. and really? honestly? in my experience, that's all you really can do. that, and have patience & hope.
Nemurune: my thought was more along the lines of calling in an emergency plumber, so to speak, to find and dislodge a blockage? because it sounds like there is one, on their side, and it's like you said: relationships are about meeting halfway. maybe that'd help get things moving on their side?
Nemurune: *an emergency emotional plumber who isn't biased
Nemurune: this isn't, shouldn't, and can't be all on you. you're one person. you're one 16 year old person who's already trying to carry too much, and these are your teammates. they need to step up and put in the effort as well.
Nemurune: you're welcome to come over for a kiss if that wouldn't be too much
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: I'm allowed to steal from space pirates right?
Bootyyyshaker9000: And or crash their ship if they try to kidnap us?
Bootyyyshaker9000: They do.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I'm trying
Bootyyyshaker9000: So hard to make it work.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I know Eggs want connection and relationships, it's like they either are somewhat healthy about it.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Like myself, Raph, and Claudine.
Bootyyyshaker9000: *Raph and I in the sense we are more awkward from isolationism over outright crippled in our ability to form connections.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Or more commonly, something has happened that had a wall they desperately want to climb, but have no idea how.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I keep dragging people over walls and I am
Bootyyyshaker9000: So tired.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I have one thing I'm going to try, but if the level is still at apparently lying right to my face things are fine, I'm going to need someone willing to push w0that might get an actual answer or at least figure out the lie.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I can't do anything if I'm being lied to, it takes so long for me to figure out lies even half the time.
Bootyyyshaker9000: You are severely underestimating my desire right now.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I don't think I'm overstating in saying if you let me tattoo you, you may not walk for a week even after you're used to me.
no subject
Nemurune: choco korone says "no seeking them out on purpose and no giving my brother any unnecessary heart attacks, but if they start it: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
Nemurune: honestly?
Nemurune: if a space pirate laid a finger on you where i could see them they'd be lucky if they only lost an arm
Nemurune: good luck, dokkun. i really hope that your idea works — that it'll help you guys start to build a foundation, if nothing else
Nemurune: i'm always here if you want to bounce ideas or need a listening ear
Nemurune: being shut out by someone you care about hurts and you don't have to face that alone.
Nemurune: is that a promise?
Nemurune: because i'd very much like it to be
Nemurune: my window IS still cracked open though. jsyk.
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: Just saying.
Bootyyyshaker9000: ....that is very attractive too.
Bootyyyshaker9000: It is very frustrating. Especially because I think my fondness got boosted in the heart game.
Bootyyyshaker9000: So I need to keep trying.
Bootyyyshaker9000: You. Are. Still. Injured.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Less promise as a warning.
no subject
Nemurune: if you get us grounded — and trust me, he WILL ground you too — ill revoke biting privileges for a month
Nemurune:... cute though
Nemurune: can you believe i used to call myself a pacifist?
Nemurune: remember to be patient
Nemurune: with yourself and with them, too
Nemurune: as frustrating as it is
Nemurune: waking up with different feelings after a heart IS really weird, isn't it?
Nemurune: :( i GUESS ill stop propositioning you
Nemurune: but
Nemurune: i will say
Nemurune: i feel like im being threatened with a good time
Nemurune: to put it more seriously though: im genuinely interested in the idea of letting you mark me permanently, but it's going to be A While
1) that feels like a big step and i don't want us to rush, 2) practice, 3) it might be nice to do it when we're home, so we can time it right
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: I can see it, you are a very kind person.
Bootyyyshaker9000: It's incredibly weird. Especially when you just trip over new thoughts and impulses.
Bootyyyshaker9000: And I wasn't trying to hurry, but apparently it's super bad or at least that's how others are acting.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I just wanted to make a clear foundation.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Timing would be good. An interrupted week is
Bootyyyshaker9000: A Lot
Bootyyyshaker9000: When it's concerns those matters.
Bootyyyshaker9000: As much as I absolutely want to mark you, these are reasonable thoughts.
no subject
Nemurune: (。﹏。)
Nemurune: smh
Nemurune: have there been a lot?
Nemurune: of new thoughts/impulses/feelings etc
Nemurune: that bad though, huh ... i think i might know the who and some of the what, but i'm not going to pry into it unless you want to tell me. i have faith that you guys will be able to work it out
Nemurune: even if it takes time
Nemurune: you're not the type to give up easily, and
Nemurune: idk, with me, you've always been open to rephrasing things so we both know where the other is coming from? you WANT to understand
Nemurune: ♥
Nemurune: in the meantime: anything up to and including semi-permanent
Nemurune is typing ...
Nemurune is typing ...
Nemurune is typing ...
Nemurune: double-checked my feelings and can confirm: yes, i did mean anything
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: Mostly in regards to who was in there. Its more noticeable with some than others.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Some of it makes sense with the memories people put in, I can see why it led to those new feelings.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Its just a strange thing to suddenly be confident in what I'm being told, or having a strange amount of fondness without the memories as to why.
Bootyyyshaker9000: So its like I have the feeling of a bunch of bonding moments without remembering them.
Bootyyyshaker9000: There hasn't been a lot that's changed about me specifically as far as I can tell.
Bootyyyshaker9000: But no, I'm not the type to give up easily.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Let's be fair, I'm prone to codependency.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Growing up in isolation with just your family will do that.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I can only imagine how bad we'd be if we didn't get lucky with April so we had One Strong Outsider Experience.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Doesn't make understanding easier, but I do.
Bootyyyshaker9000: ...you are so unfair right now.
no subject
Nemurune: there's a reason why i clocked raph as a big brother within 30 seconds of meeting him. a wash-shaped reason.
Nemurune: they're very different people but the big brother vibes are real and they are powerful
Nemurune: and/or the parent-aged adult vibes, in wash's case.
Nemurune: he has this One Tone that has never failed to stop me in my tracks afaik and it is UNFAIR.
Nemurune: i haven't noticed any shifts in your personality fwiw
Nemurune: your heart was very
Nemurune: very ...
Nemurune: bond-oriented? if we wanted to reach you, we had to open up. if we didn't open up, we wouldn't get any further than surface-level. so it makes sense, i guess, that the any changes were less about you as a person and more about your perception of others.
Nemurune: which is still weird to experience, i know.
Nemurune: ugh heart games ￣へ￣
Nemurune: i'm glad you had april-san, too, and that she had you guys
Nemurune: and
Nemurune: maybe i'm just repeating myself here, but i see you trying, dee-kun. it's hard and it's exhausting, but you're learning and you're trying. it counts for a lot. a LOT. i'm proud of you.
Nemurune: (￣y▽￣)╭
Nemurune: i love you
no subject
Bootyyyshaker9000: He complimented my knowledge of plants once and now he does it all the time and it feels very targeted.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Not in a bad way? Just
Bootyyyshaker9000: What do
Bootyyyshaker9000: I mean
Bootyyyshaker9000: It does make sense.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Emotions are largely inconvenient and overwhelming.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Except for hyperfixations and other people.
Bootyyyshaker9000: Other people are still inconvenient, but
Bootyyyshaker9000: I want them.
Bootyyyshaker9000: But understanding is pretty necessary to get anywhere and its no fair if I'm not trying to understand them, its just hard to do it, especially if people aren't meeting them halfway.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I am. Trying. I'm trying so hard because a lot of Eggs also want people, but they're bad at going for what they want, but at least I'm ready to go for it and its helped with some of them in the past.
Bootyyyshaker9000: I love you too.