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[othellovonryan]

tbd

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[othellovonryan]

And you can't remember, so it really doesn't count.

[He squeezes her hand.]

...I'm not sure I understand the logic of what's going on, but its important to you, so I'm glad I can provide?

[bluediligence]

[ so it really doesn't count. she squeezes back, tight, a stutter in her breathing. ]

S'okay. I - I don't know how to explain it at all, so - just ...

I can't tell you how grateful I am that you're -

[ GESTURES ]

[ WITH HER FREE HAND ]

You.

Here. With me. And you're ... you want to support me, even when it's. You know. This. [ Stupid and convoluted and complicated and full of FEELINGS. ] ... Makes me feel less alone with it all. Less like I might drown. There's been a few times where I thought I might.

[othellovonryan]

[Listen, if you can't remember the therapy, it Doesn't Count.]

Of course I want to support you. Especially when things are confusing. It seems when things are confusing is when you most need support. A-at least I do. Even when its being given space, but knowing they're there.

So I do understand that part, at least.

[bluediligence]

[ Oh, but there's so much MORE that went down the proverbial drain. ]

S'honestly incredible, how much of a difference it makes. Not being alone. Just - like you said. Knowing someone is there.

[ a wry huff ]

... [ a tighter squeeze of his hand, and she curls a bit. ]

Knowing ... trusting you'll stay.

You'd still see me.

[othellovonryan]

[He nods against her shoulder.] Yes. Even if they may not understand, they stay anyway. [And he knows how hard he can be to understand.]

I'll still stay. [A reassurance, the baaaaarest brush of lips against her mark.]

I'll always want to see you.

[bluediligence]

It's acceptance. [ Meeting halfway as best they can. ] Finding all the ways you can fit together.

[ A gentle shiver runs through her when she feels that whisper of a kiss. She leans into it, into him, tilting her head just a little.

Just enough to make space for him, if he wants to linger. ]

[ She's quiet a moment. Then, softly, ]

My dad didn't.

[othellovonryan]

[Well, with the invitation?]

[He does. Doesn't press harder, just a gentle press of his lips.]

....

[Oh, he doesn't like that.]

He didn't want to accept you?

[bluediligence]

[ It feels like an affirmation. Wordless reassurance that they're there, together; that he's got her, and he's not going anywhere. She's wanted.

She belongs. ]

[ A shudder of a breath. She swallows. ]

It's. Complicated. And I don't - I don't wanna be unfair to him. [ It just hurt. Worse, somehow, than so many of the actual literal physical tortures she's endured over the past three years. ]

Something went wrong.

Not ... not with my worldhop, not with my magic; that was all fine. Right address, right time. I was home. My version of my world. But -

When I saw Dad, he asked me who I was.

And when I told him ... I - fuck, Dokkun, I used her name, and he told me I wasn't. The way he said it - [ ... She closes her eyes. Pulls herself back from the memory as best she can. She's here. She's here with Donnie, she's okay. ] Mn. Nevermind. [ Dial back. Rewind. ]

S'complicated. "I" was still there. From before Imeeji. Korone was the only missing piece.

[othellovonryan]

When it comes to dad's, you're allowed to be unfair when you're hurt. [Said softly. Understanding.] Being fair comes after it stings less.

[Sometimes Donnie had to be unfair to his dad. Then he could be fair and they could figure out how to move forward.]

You....were still there... [A deep frown.]

You mean...an alternate you?

[bluediligence]

[ ... Donnie gets it all too well. She nudges her forehead against his shoulder with a sigh. ]

He didn't recognise me when I had a pretty dress and makeup on. I should've known he wouldn't when I look like ... when I'm -

When I've changed this much. [ Physically, mentally. The whole nine yards. ] But I went and got my hopes up anyways. [ Like an idiot, she doesn't say outloud, knowing that Donnie would call her out fot it. Bwuh. ]

[ She presses her forehead in harder. ]

Mnn. No. Kinda? But - no, it was more like - I've been trying to figure out how to explain this for months and I still can't. [ UGH. ] ... That was the right universe, and it was the right time. I know it was, with the same certainty I know - [ a quiet chirp of his name. ]

[othellovonryan]

....maybe he has face blindness. [It would certainly explain it because REALLY.]

Its family. [He hugs her tighter.] You should be able to get your hopes up with family and for it to usually work out well enough.

... [He pulls her closer, trills a soft, comforting sound.]

Were there two yous present?

[bluediligence]

He doesn't. [ SHE WOULD KNOW.

He's just.

Not ... the most attentive, except for those few times where he is. Ugh. A tilt of the head lets her rest her ear against him, taking in the soft trill ]

Mm. She kicked dad out. I - think I was having a panic attack. Then I was here.

[othellovonryan]

Maybe it was-

Ah.

This is why you freaked out when I spoke with Wylan about Wash probably being the cause.

[bluediligence]

[ Hahhhhhhh. ]

I was spooked 'bout a lot of things.

That. Knowing how Wash-nii would feel about Wylan-kun disappearing on his watch at all. The things Wylan-kun said. How badly hurt he was.

[ she sighs ]

I really don't think it was the magic. At least for me. But I can't exactly prove it unless we can science a way to scan and analyse a memory.

[othellovonryan]

I mean....

I don't know how accurate Draxum's memory spell is, if its based on perception or if we could science it accurately...

[bluediligence]

Isn't that the one where you can get attacked by the person whose memories you're looking at-?

[othellovonryan]

Yes. Depending on how defensive the subconscious is.

[bluediligence]

Ah. Well, mine is very, generally, but when it comes to this in particular, mostly I just want to cry.

[ mrrrrrRRRRR. ]

But I really need to understand what happened...

[othellovonryan]

...I could probably figure it out if I had you both in front of me, but...

I could see if scans come up with something. I did get scans of both Leo's. [That they may or may not have been aware of.]

[bluediligence]

Mm? Me and - [ goddamnit, she still can't even bring herself to say it ] Other me?

... I'm -

[ Sigh! ]

I'm game to try it if you are.

[othellovonryan]

For the spell or the scans?

[bluediligence]

Both. Either.

[othellovonryan]

All right. We'll do the scan first, see if it tells me something.

Then I'll need to find someone to help with the spell. We'll need someone to be a guide on the outside.

[bluediligence]

Mmm ...

Maybe Macaque-san? [ Or Red Son, she would say, but then Donnie would start hissing and now is Not The Time. ]

[othellovonryan]

He would probably be able to help. Especially since he should be fairly good at any sort of...sensing magic, I would imagine.

[His whole shtick is shadows and hearing things, gotta help with sensing magic stuff.]