othellovonryan | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noise.

It starts as just irritation. A metaphorical crawling under your skin. Things are too noisy, too bright, there is too much happening all the time and you can't take it all in-

Then silence it, make it yours, make it you, take control and destroy what will not submit

It sounds so inviting, a freedom from the noise, but its wrong, its wrong, its wrong and the noise is getting louder, mechanical and foreboding as it sees you, it knows you are there, and it wants to make you apart of it.

Anatawa hitorijanai

For a moment, there is quiet.

You breathe.

And fall through water.

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I mean, sometimes I just wanna not feel bad about stuff later. Y'know?

[ It's his sense of identity and he gets to choose what things he hinges it on etc etc. If he's thinking that far ahead in the first place and not just kind of doing a very heart-led yeet at something. ]

'course I don't think that's wrong. Look who you're talkin' to. King Overprotective.

[ And the complex impacts it's had on his familial relationships therein.

Carefully taking the Rubik's cube tho. ]

Scoff. Not wanting to feel bad is just a survival instinct, not a selfish thing.

[He is the ideal. I will do anything and everything it takes to let him continue to be that person.]

I do want to be a hero. I like helping people. I just....

I don't want to give you all up for it. I can't be that generous.

Edited 2023-02-19 20:55 (UTC)

Sometimes Raph's survival instincts and selfish instincts are the same thing!

[ when you're trying to represent yourself in selfishness court but your brother hands you THIS HECKING CUBE???

So he's gotta bury his face in his hands for a minute actually, court in recess. ]

They're really not. Not for you.

You're a really good hero. But I'm also pretty sure being a good brother is a pretty big part of your survival in combination with your just being really tough to take down. Can't stay and keep us alive? You'll leave.

[ Right. Okay. Breaths. Feel feelings about that when it's not infringing on brother saving time. Looking back up, immediately getting confused. ]

Duh! What am I gonna do, stay and not keep you guys alive?

[ (the point)

(raph's head) ]

Which, as a result, keeps you alive because if we're threatened, you're threatened. You're not THAT much tougher than us.

One, rude.

[ Pokes him very gently on the forehead. ]

Two, we're gonna have a talk about that "do whatever to preserve Raph's whatever" cube after we fix you up all the way.

Just saying. [Casey Jr. is the least affectionate when talking about Raph. That says something.]

....what do you think the whatever is, Raph?

[ It says Future Raph did a very cool job and went out first which is the only acceptable order. Source: anonymous-definitely-not-Raph. ]

I dunno, morals? Ethics? [ Those are basically the same thing right. ]

More or less, yes. Though those are different things. I have more ethics then morals.

I never wanted you to have to compromise them.

See, exactly! We gotta hash that out. I don't-

[ Thought bubble moment but it's just a 2D animated scribble wriggling around like this is Elmo's World or something.

It doesn't feel. Good. He doesn't think he likes it. Conceptually. Because he is a hypocrite. ]

I don't got my brain together on that to hash it out yet and you don't got your brain together all the way at all, so I don't think I can do it right now and make whatever point I wanna make. So circle back with me on that one.

...

[He reaches up from where he's probably cradled in Raph arms still.]

[And pats the top of his head.]

You're taking a lot from that, which...fair. But I also wanted you to take away I admire you, Raph.

I just have...complicated feelings.

You should check in with Relations later. I think you should read something. Or have Relations read it for you.

[ Headpat appreciated. Admiration also appreciated. Rumblegrumble, etc., have the world's huffiest big brother nuzzle.

Selfishness Donnie is so baby. He is so tiny. ]

I'll think about it. But I already know you love me, so no promises. [ Is it a flagrant brain crime when your brother literally says hey you should see or hear this thing? Probably not. He'll see where he lands. ] I gotta check on Relations anyway. We need both of you guys back on your feet, right?

You know I love you, but also, mindscape is a lot easier to get my emotions across instead of trying to force it through the broken filter that is between my mouth and any sort of talking that is not obsession or sounding smart based.

But yes. I can act in place of Relations, but Relations makes it a lot easier to gauge between 'thing I want for me' and 'how I make the people I care about happy while getting at least some of thing I want for me.'

[ So it's mostly a communication thing. Maybe a little economizing because Raph's already running around in here so why not get something across, no filter needed, which Raph can't blame him for. Donnie likes efficiency.

And being understood. As many times as he's had to bust stuff down into straightforward A to B terms with Raph, it's the least Raph can do to meet him wherever he puts the goalpost. Which is apparently more towards the A to B end of things, with Relations.

He can't pretend to understand all this stuff or how it works, but if it's gonna help some way or another, either with this corruption thing or just for Donnie in general down the line... sure.

(Plus who can say no about it outright to that face. Impossible.) ]

Right. Is it safe to drop you with robo-Donnie and Mind Raph first, or do you wanna wait until I got Relations back?

[ Have a post-horror tunnel breather and whatnot. ]

Edited (icons pls) 2023-02-20 16:50 (UTC)

[Donnie loves his efficiency. Also Raph needs his validation.]

Oh, no, this is my room.

[He pulls the tablet from his rat hoody pocket and presses a button and there is the sound of a chain clattering and oh look.]

[Suddenly a chain by the bed.]

Let's be fair, I am definitely overprotective, I just need enough self control to not think bunkers are a good idea. [But things like trackers and constant cameras are Totally Legit.]

Oh, cool.

[ Good, even. He'd kinda feel bad if it was like, here you go tiny baby version of my brother, live in the training room holding a robot leash and there's no toys or anything for you in there. Never mind that all this is mostly metaphorical.

He's only just wrapping his mind around the chain being. Also good. Since it's not like Raph Brain doesn't also have some, uhhh....... important restraints put in place for all parties involved. ]

Yeah, not the best plan. Real polished workmanship though. If that helps.

[Sometimes you're overprotective and you need to have Constant Reminders For Why You Should Not Put Everyone In Bubble Wrap In A Padded Room]

Well, of course. I would never make anything that wasn't at least somewhat polished.

A bit too rushed with some people, Eve was definitely for later, and I didn't see Korone getting her pendant back.

[A pause.] Please note, being proud of my ingenuity despite the lackluster resources here does not in anyway indicate approval of said bunker plan. I rather like not self destructing my relationships.

Noted and appreciated. Good luck ever destructing ours, though.

[ Still. Very important pride distinction. ]

Stay outta trouble, alright? No going back down the tunnel! We gotta get rid of all the tentacle gunk first. [ He will come back himself and pull them all out of the wall by hand if he has to.

He might try to come back for the free cuddles anyway. lbr. ] What gets me to Relations?

I did figure ours would be very hard to manage.

Leo on the other hand...

[He frowns at his tablet.]

I'll stay away from the tentacle gut. At least it should be getting more snakey now.

Relationship stuff. Caring about people. Interacting with people. The Power Of Family And Friendship feelings.

You guys'll get through it.

[ If he was any good at pinning Leo down for extended serious conversations he'd offer some helpful advice. But he's very bad at that, historically, so Raph figures Donnie's better off without the input.

Those two speak pretty similar languages. Always have. They can stick through anything. He trusts that, and he'll at least provide the little ninpo wave to prove it. ]

Hmm. I do like all that stuff. Good for a feelings door.

...I hope so. I don't want to drive him away. [He just. Has a lot of doubts recently.]

Music memories also helps. Music helps understand emotions better.

Donnie. You won't. I promise. It's just complicated.

[ Everything is complicated almost all the time anymore. This part of growing up sucks.

Okay. Okay.

Raph gets back into the inventory and tries to do himself up an actual wood door. Like not a repurposed raft door. He is gonna put SO MUCH LOVE FOR HIS FAMILY INTO IT.

"raph you don't need to be super intense about making a minecraft door" he DOES ACTUALLY he needs to be intense about all of his feelings all the time. ]

It is. [He sighs and headbutts his shoulder.]

[He is gonna hop out of his arms while he works. Going around the room to make sure everything is straight.]

[Raph is cute and valid and with all the feelings, HAVE A BEAUTIFULLY MADE glowing orange door.]

[ SUCCESS. DOOR. HE IS KING OF DOORS. ]

There.

[ He should probably stand up and get ready to go and stuff. Yeah. ]

Last call to give Raph a hug for the road! Unless I come back later to kill corruption tentacles. So, uh.

...

Last call to give Raph a hug for the road for this time!

[ He just really wants the hug. ]

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