othellovonryan | (no subject)

(no subject)

Noise

It starts as just irritation. A metaphorical crawling under your skin. Things are too noisy, too bright, there is too much happening all the time and you can't take it all in-

Then silence it, make it yours, make it you, take control and destroy what will not submit

It sounds so inviting, a freedom from the noise, but its wrong, its wrong, its wrong and the noise is getting louder, mechanical and foreboding as it sees you, it knows you are there, and it wants to make you apart of it.

Anatawa hitorijanai

For a moment, there is quiet.

You breathe.

And fall through water.

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[ Crow's quiet for a moment while he considers. ]

It hurts, doesn't it? That you want to do more, keep them from feeling pain, but you can't.

But think about it this way: That holding back? It's also a form of protecting them. Their happiness, their emotional well-being. Their souls. Those are important parts of them, too. You can't always stop them from being hurt, but you can be there for them. Even if you don't have the right words, even if you don't know the right actions. Sometimes, just being by someone's side... it's enough.

And that's a form of protection, too.

[Kid Donnie pulls up his legs, wrapping his arms around them.]

...April would say stuff like that. The others don't articulate it as well, but April is pretty good at explaining things when none of them are.

She got mad once, when I got protective of her. She's human. She's so much easier to hurt than the rest of us, but she still wanted to play with us.

[He laughs sheepishly.] She said stuff that was really familiar. That was the first time she learned I had a soft shell.

Sounds like April's got her head on straight.

[ He nudges Donnie very lightly, a smile on his face. ]

It's good you've got someone like her in your life.

It is. She's my best friend. I don't think we can quantify the amount of good she's done for our whole family.

But she's done a lot for me specifically.

I...don't want to make people feel like they can't handle dangerous things. It's maddening when people treat you like glass.

I know. Tossing people in bunkers isn't your usual MO. I think everyone else knows it, too.

Just don't dwell too much on it. Let 'em know you're sorry and you'll keep trying. And then do it. And maybe you'll falter, you won't be perfect. None of us ever are. But as long as you show people you're willing to keep trying, I think you'll find their capacity for forgiveness and understanding is vast.

....for someone who says he doesn't want friends anymore, you do sound very confident on how to friendship well.

[The child might be teasing you Crow]

[ Crow laughs at that. ]

Well.... I understand friendship pretty well. I just... I have my reasons for not wanting them for myself.

I want to be your friend.

[What is a filter, that don't exist in this room]

[ Goddess dammit, why did you have to say that with a CHILD FACE? ]

You.... do get that I'm going to die when I go home, right? You'll just end up getting yourself hurt.

If you missed what I was getting at, I used to be treated like glass because I was a lot easier to hurt than my brothers, and I hated it, which was great for my learning to not do that to other people.

When, you know, a snake and Kraang memories aren't corrupting me.

I got it. It's my own selfish desire, not wanting to leave behind people to miss me.

.....But if it's what you want, I won't stop you.

Everyone deserves to be missed.

But good. Because you can't stop me. I am an unstoppable hurricane when I have decided I care about something.

It's not really about "deserves." But I get it, and I won't try and stop Hurricane Donnie from happening.

[He smiles at that.]

[And then he looks at the photos, the smile fading.]

I really made a mess, didn't I?

Yeah, you did. But it's not beyond repair.

[ He bops Donatello lightly.... somewhere near where a nose should be. IDK my bff turtle biology, part 2. ]

You'll get your chance to try. Reach out halfway, and trust that everyone else will close the distance.

[He's got a bit of a snoot, boopable snoot.]

[He jumps a bit at the boop.]

[...]

Halfway meeting is very important.

Though I'm not going to be able to until Sacrifice is under control. I can reach out to Protectiveness, but Sacrifice is too much to contain between the snake and the Kraang. I need help for that.

If you can handle Protectiveness, then I can go over Sacrifice. How do I open the door to him?

Information.

Getting deeper requires connecting with information. [He runs a hand over the top of the blankets.] Understanding loneliness.

.....Understanding loneliness, huh.....?

[ Crow thinks for a moment, and he focuses on a memory.

The classroom is empty. But that was the point, wasn't it? Classes have ended for the day, and Crow is sitting in his desk, staring out the window as the sun sets.

It's funny how you can be surrounded by people sometimes and be all alone. But it's a hell of his own making. An illusion of a carefree student at Thor's Military academy, this false version of "Crow Armbrust" carefully positioned to blend in and keep an eye on the various movements in the area while he sets up his final plans. It won't be long now. A month and a half until everything crumbles to dust. A month and a half until his plans are, at last, set into motion.

A month and a half until he stabs the backs of everyone he's known in this fake, ephemeral life.

He can't lose sight of it. Nothing is real, not even those so-called friendships. They don't know the real him, and they'd be disgusted if they did. Which is fine. They'd be right to do so. He knows that none of this is "good." It's his own selfish vengeance and he'll reap what he sows. Both for good and for ill. But he can't back down. He won't back down. He's gone too far to back down now.

So why does his chest ache so much? ]

[Crafting Material: Memory of Loneliness]

Just need to build a door now and it should open a pathway.

Be careful. Sacrifice isn't without influence, but the Kraang is not Donnie. It will hold no feelings for you on its own.

Building a door.....

[ You know what? Crow is going to combine paper + ink for a DRAWING OF A DOOR and then combine that with MEMORY OF LONELINESS. ]

And yeah, I got it. I can't count on sentiment to get through to him. One way or another, this is gonna be a real fight.

Or at least you need to be tricky. Like I said, Sacrifice isn't without influence, but a straight talk down isn't likely to work with the Kraang's effects in play as well.

[There is a drawing of a door!]

[Its glowing blueredgreypink.]

The only thing known to be very effective against the Kraang is a super herbicide.

Don't suppose you have any around here?

Not in here.

You might be able to craft it on the surface area, or you can go to the Lab.

How do I get the the Lab?

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